Switched!
by xxBlackSakura24xx
Summary: When a vengeful woman decides to put a curse on our beloved boys in blue, chaos ensues as they race against time to find the cure...if there is one...read abd review!
1. How it all began

**Author's notes:**

Hello and how are you? First of all I'd like to thank you for opening this story and if you're cool enough you'll stick around long enough, anyways the whole idea of this story was conjured by my wickedly weird mind one day as I was stuffing myself with pastries and candy. Whoever imagined that candy could fuel the mind, anyways please do stick around and I hope you enjoy my weird story which by the way is the byproduct of overeating sweet treats and drowning them down with a milkshake. Silly, silly me.

**Summary:**

Find out what happens when a mysterious force transforms, Hijikata, Soji, the three comedians, Saitou, Tetsu and Susumu into women. Chaos ensues when this unknown curse transforms them into female alternates one stormy night…read and review please!

**Chapter I**

**How it all began**

Hijikata Toshizou was a man whose piercing eyes and cold demeanor made women fall head over heels for him, aside from being dubbed as the demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi his other title had been the alpha male of all males. With one look he was able to seduce any woman and sadly this included the unwanted ones that most men would hide from, nevertheless the demon vice-commander was a man who every geisha in Shimabara would fight for and thus our story begins.

The men of the Shinsengumi, namely Kondou Isami, Hijikata Toshizou, Okita Souji, Hajime Saitou, the three comedians, the stoic shinobi Yamazaki Susumu, a reluctant Ichimura Tatsunosuke and his young brother Tetsu were all situated comfortably at an inn at Shimabara. The men, namely the three comedians had come out to pay their local haunt a visit after discovering that their favorite bookkeeper was celebrating his birthday.

**Flashback**

Ichimura Tatsunosuke felt an uncertain presence from behind; being that he was in the compounds of Kyoto's toughest police force he shrugged off the idea of being killed, besides who would want to kill a bookkeeper anyways? Well, maybe his little brother Tetsu but that was another story. The unknown presence that continued to linger was soon accompanied by stifled fits of laughter and uncontrollable hissing and utters of profanity, having heard enough the young bookkeeper went to the scene to soon find a discovery he knew he would regret.

There crouched down were none other than Harada Sanosuke, Nagakura Shinapchi and Toudou Heisuke or better known as the three comedians of the Shinsengumi. Tatsu sighed heavily, for wherever the three comedians are trouble is bound to come tailing behind.

"Guess we've been figured out eh Shinapchi?" Heisuke asked as he tried his best to stifle his laugh.

"Eh…is there anything I can do for you three?" the curious bookkeeper asked, "You three have been following me the entire day, is there something wrong? Is it Tetsu again?"

"Don't worry puppy-chan has been a good puppy all afternoon, you on the other hand haven't been honest to us." Sano said with a sly grin, a grin that caused shivers to run down the poor bookkeepers' spine.

"_Oh crap! What did I do? What did I do? Oh shit! Could it be because I miscalculated some funds? Or could it be because I forgot to buy the right kind of sake, shit! Are they laughing because they'll be sending me to perform seppuku? Kami-sama, why me and why now?" _Tetsu continued to mentally swear over and over again as the thought of him committing seppuku flashed in his thought.

As quick as lightning the paranoid bookkeeper dropped down to his knees and started pleading for mercy, the three comedians just looked on shocked.

"_He's on maniac mode again" _The three comedians thought in unison as they watched the scene unfurl before them.

"Sirs, whatever punishment the commander and vice-commander have had bestowed upon you to be delivered to me, I Tatsunosuke Ichimura will take it like a man. If you wish for me to commit seppuku then I shall commit seppuku here and now…and if you deem me unworthy of even committing seppuku then I will burn myself alive, but if you still think that is too low for me I will…I will commit seppuku while being burned alive! But please think of the welfare of my brother…"

"Hey, Tatsu relax will you?" Shinapchi cut off quickly, "What the heck made you think we were coming here to kill you?" the short captain asked, a dumbfounded look plastered on his face.

"You mean…you…you...you didn't come here to tell me that I was going to…die?"

Sano belly laughed as he jokingly punched Tatsu in the back, causing him to stumble forward. "Die? And why the heck do you think we'd kill our favorite bookkeeper who happens to be celebrating his you-know-what today?"

"_Celebrating my you-know-what? What the heck is my you-know-what and why…oh shit…it's…"_

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TATSUNOSUKE!" the three comedians cheered happily, not noticing the "I'm-going-kill-myself" look Tatsunosuke was emitting.

"Eh…and how did you sirs find out that today was my…my birthday?" Tatsunosuke asked, trying his best to hide the anger boiling inside of him.

"_When I get my hands on the bastard who told these lunatics that today was my birthday I am going to kill him, father always said not to resort to violence but to hell with that someone's dying tonight!" _

"Well…Tetsu-kun told us…" Heisuke said with a grin as he scratched the back of his head.

"Tet…su…"

"Hai! He told us this morning, we were pretty shocked too that you didn't want to tell us…I mean didn't you like the party we threw for Saitou?" Shinpachi asked with a sly grin.

"_Hajime Saitou's birthday…the birthday that almost ended up as a massacre? Sure I'd want a party just like that! Oh wait, maybe even better!" _Tatsu thought sarcastically.

"Ahhhh!!! When I get my hands on Tetsu he's going to…"

"Oi…oi…no need for violence, they're probably waiting for us at the inn." Sanosuke said as he grabbed the bookkeeper by the collar.

"They? Inn? Eh…what and where exactly are we going?"

"Well, seeing that Hajime's party wasn't that exciting…well except maybe for the part where everyone was intoxicated and started doing a reenactment of the Ikeda-ya incident…"

"Oi Shinpachi? You called that party fun? Hey you weren't the one who Hijikata forced to don on a black wig and pretend you were Yoshida" Sano said as he shuddered at the memories.

"Well just be thankful he passed out before he went serious on you…anyways Tatsu-kun we decided to throw you a party that'll be way better than Hajime's!"

"Eh…where exactly are we going again…"

"SHIMABARA HERE WE COME!!!!"

**End of Flashback**

"Drink up birthday boy, you only get to celebrate your day once a year!" Sano slurred as he poured another drink for himself.

"That won't be necessary…I've had two drinks already, why don't we call it a night?" Tatsu said trying to sound polite despite his urge to kill and murder Tetsu.

"Sanosuke's right Tatsunosuke-kun…drink and be merry…you're getting old so live life while your younger!" Kondou said with a hearty laugh as he poured another drink for his stoic vice-commander, who like Tatsu had been forced to come to Shimabara.

"Well…maybe your right…here's to me and another year!" Tatsu said joyously as the men around him cheered on.

"Make sure to drink enough so you won't remember a thing" Sano said with a grin.

**So people, what do you think of my very weird story which by the way I'm creating before doing my homework. Anyways I hope you found it amusing or good and please review…and tell me what you think…don't flame…constructive criticism is welcome….**


	2. Warnings

**Author's notes: **

Yes! I have 1 review…at least I know someone is actually taking their time to read my story and I'm thankful for that. Anyways at last here's chapter II of my weird story, which by the way was created during one of my…sad to say, boring classes. I was spacing out in my English class so I decided writing this instead of listening to some play Socrates made, so here it is.

**Chapter II**

**Warnings**

As the night continued the men of the Shinsengumi continued their merriment, drowning in over 20 bottles of sake and of course harassing their female hostesses with their boorish manners. Even the stoic ninja, Yamazaki Susumu was not being his ice cold self all perhaps due to the fact he was forced to drown in one too many cups of sake.

"_When will they ever leave? They're starting to cause a ruckus!"_

"_Hush! They might hear you"_

"_Its getting too late and majority of them are intoxicated perhaps they'll be turning in now?"_

The female hostesses of the inn the mibu men currently occupied whispered in low voices, clearly disgusted by yet again their rowdy behavior.

"_As if Hajime Saitou's party wasn't enough, it cost the Sakura Inn a lot of money to repair the damages you know!"_

"_Oh yes, I've heard about that…what exactly did those idiots do?"_

"_Apparently doing a reenactment of some battle…who knows…"_

Finally after consuming their last bottle of sake and munching on their last dango the men of the Shinsengumi found it best to retire back to their base, the only problem was all of them were too intoxicated to stand. Perhaps the only ones semi-sober enough to walk were the Ichimura brothers, the effeminate Okita Souji and the eerie 3rd division captain, Saitou Hajime.

"What a party…" Tatsu sighed

"You had a great time didn't you Tatsunosuke-kun?" Okita giggled.

"Hai, hai…but I still think it wasn't necessary for them to go to such lengths…I mean this party must have cost a fortune!"

"The three comedians may have had their ways"

"Eh, Tatsu-nii how exactly are we going to get them home? They're too drunk to stand!" Tetsu whined as he attempted to wake a very drunk Susumu.

"Stop poking me nee-san…five more minutes…"

"Nee-san? Five more minutes? Hey you eyebrow deprived jerk who you calling nee-san?"

"Looks like we have no choice…Okita-san you're in charge of the commander and vice-commander, Saitou-san please assist Nagakura-san, Harada-san and Heisuke-san and Tetsu you take care of Yamazaki-san"

"Hell no! Why am I always stuck babysitting no eyebrow freak?"

"Just shut up and help him up!"

"and just who the hell are you in charge of?" Tetsu retorted huffily

"All of you…now get to work!"

After bidding farewell to their hostesses Okita, Saitou, Tetsu and Tatsu with their drunken comrades made their way back to the headquarters.

_"Thank god that's over"_

_"I thought they'd never leave"_

_"Hush, they're still watching so just smile and wave...and act as if you'd want them back..."_

_"But we don't want them back..."_

_"Just act it out damn it!"_

_"I just realized something"_

_"What now?"_

_"They forgot to pay their bill"_

_"WHAT!!!!!"_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Hey…hey…why do we have to leave right away…Tatsu didn't even get to see his present yet…I bet she got dressed up for nothing." Shinpachi slurred

Upon hearing this Tatsu almost fainted

"Yeah…why the heck would you want to leave right away when you know a gorgeous girl waits behind those doors" Heisuke added on

"Hey Sano…what was her name again?"

"Whose?"

"The woman we had set up for our favorite Tatsu-nii"

"It started with a K…or was it… an S… or maybe it was a D…oh wait…no…oh wait…still no…jeez Shinpachi! Don't…hic… make…hic… me…hic… think…hic… when…I'm…hic…drunk…"

"Eh…what does it matter anyways…they're all alike…girls, all they do is look pretty and they get sold…who cares" Heisuke retorted smugly

"You…you…shouldn't say that Todou-san…" Tatsu said sheepishly

"Why not? I'm entitled to say what I want…and yes women are all the same…they flaunt their looks, men chase after them, they get into trouble, good doers save them…they're just trouble!"

"And they stink too!" Sano chimed

"Actually Sano that's just you…"

"Really? you mean all this time...wow...that just shocked some years out of me"

Out of nowhere a woman appearing to be around her 50s approached the drunken crowd. (AN: I couldn't think of any other way)

"So you cocky bastards think that women are all alike eh?"

"Huh? Who the heck are you?" Heisuke demanded as he squinted his eyes in hopes of getting a better look

"You men are all alike…a bunch of moral deprived pigs…"

"Do i stink that bad?" Sano asked

"Who you calling a pig, you wrinkly faced hag"

"Wrinkly faced hag? Ha! I've heard better retorts..."

"Whatever wrinkles...just keep yapping...like i care..."

"It sickens me to see that men like you are walking these streets…you should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Yeah, yeah…save your stories for others who care…"

"Cocky, self-centered and arrogant…if I were you I'd watch my tongue…you wouldn't want to spite someone…"

"Tongue? Hey anyone here knows how to fold up their tongue?"

"Oh I do! Want to see?" Tetsu said cheerily as he folded up his tongue

"You stink at it…never mind"

"Am not…look…look…it's folding…you see?"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about! Just you men wait…time will teach a lesson to all of you…"

"Huh? Did you say anything wrinkles?"

"I think she said something about time...time...time...time...eh she lost me..."

"That's it…I give up!!!! You'll just have to see what its like to be in someone elses shoes" without another word the mysterious woman stomped her way off, leaving the sober and the drunk men to watch with a confused look.

"I wonder what she mean by that…" Tatsu thought

"to be in someone else's shoes? did she plan to stuff us in a shoe or something?"

" Once again...she lost me..."

Unbeknownst to the men, wrinkles parting words were actually words of warning...

**So that concludes chapter II and yes if you are cool and nice enough to stick around to read Chapter III and the rest I will glady appreciate it...anyways here's a sneak preview of what's going to be in Chapter three...whoa...rhyme time moment...**

** NEXT CHAPTER: CHANGES**

**The boys find themselves...well...not quite theirselves...dun dun dun...**


	3. Discovering the changes

**Author's notes:**

Before I start, I might have changed up the story a bit…well not entirely but yeah I made a few changes so please check…and if there are any suggestions you want me to do please tell me because it would be nice to know what my readers would like to see. The characters might be OOC so please bear with me.

Yes! Two people now reviewed…thanks by the way, it made my day and it inspired me to write some more. Anyways this chapter was once again created during my boring English class…anyways hope you like this and yes I love doing disclaimers so here's my version.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane…because if I did I'd add myself in it and Okita-kun would not die instead he'd be living happily in my fictional world…all I own is the idea of turning the men into women…how weird is that?

**Chapter III**

**Discovering the changes part I: Susumu, Heisuke, Shinpachi POV**

Yamazaki Susumu awoke with a yawn, his head had been throbbing the entire night all caused by a drinking dare by a certain 2nd division captain. Groggily the young shinobi stood up from his futon, lazily making his way out back to where the watering well was.

While walking to the well, the sleepy ninja earned quite a few stares from the men, causing his nerves to twitch in anger.

"_Oh my…"_

"_What the…"_

Susumu ignored the comments as he continued to walk on, "What the hell are they gawking at?" Susumu thought as he pretended to not hear the comments.

Upon reaching the well the young shinobi came face to face with an awe-stricken soldier, his jaw dropped the moment he saw Susumu.

"H-h-h-h-…" The soldier stuttered, the words not coming out

Susumu now fed up, gave his trademark piercing "I'm-going-to-kill-you" look to the young soldier, only causing him to falter.

"H-h-h-ho-ho-ho-hol-hol-"

"What the hell are you…" before the young shinobi could even finish, his puzzled question was finally answered.

"Holy Shit! Ayu-nee lives!" The soldier screamed, flailing his arms like a mad man.

Susumu looked around and saw no ghostly apparition of his deceased sister, "Soldier, if you're drunk go back to sleep…"

"Get away from me zombie!" the soldier screamed as he backed away quickly.

Susumu fed up with the soldier's insane claim of seeing ghostly apparitions, walked to the water well and nearly fainted at what he saw. His reflection was not what he had expected, his trademark spiky black hair was replaced by a lock of flowing raven hair messily tied up in a low pony-tail, his lips were in a soft shade of pink, his complexion pale and flawless and his body, his body was that of a woman. Slim yet curvy.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!" Susumu screamed as he grabbed a lock of hair, yanking it as hard as he could.

"Shit! This isn't one of my disguises! This is…this is…this is real…" Susumu panicked especially at the realization that he now had breasts.

"Kami-sama it's real!" Susumu screamed once again, his eyes wide and fearful.

The young soldier looked at the distraught Ayu-nee look alike with fear, slowly grabbing his bucket as a mean of defense.

"Eh…Ayu-nee…"

Susumu turned to face the soldier, "I am not Ayu-nee! So stop calling me that!" He fumed

"Um…I…I know that you're in denial that you're dead but please return to Kami-sama…or to your grave…"

Before the soldier could finish three piercing screams were heard just 2 corridors down, with his shinobi instincts Susumu dashed to the scene and to his horror he was not expecting the sight that was before him.

There before the young shinobi stood the three comedians, except just like him they had turned into women. Shinpachi whose trademark spiky orange hair was now replaced with wavy orange locks, Heisuke whose trademark was his topknot now had a head of long dark brown hair.

"Shinpachi you're a girl! An unusually cute girl!" Heisuke screamed as he pointed his finger madly

"Look whose talking lady-boy" Shinpachi retorted

Quickly, Heisuke grabbed his mirror and nearly fainted at what he saw. "I'm a woman!" he groaned but then he took another look and grinned stupidly, "A gorgeous woman!"

Susumu had felt like sticking a kunai in his heart from then on. "Whoa! Susumu is that you?" Heisuke said as he noticed his shinobi friend smacking his forehead.

"Yeah…and apparently it looks like I'm not alone in the whole woman trouble"

"Way to go Susumu…compared to me you don't look so bad as a woman…in fact you could totally pass as a woman…but I'm still number one of course" Heisuke said with a grin as he swished his long hair, hitting Shinpachi in the face.

"Do you hear yourself? You're actually okay with this? Hello! We've turned into women, doesn't that concern you?" Shinpachi said his voice fuming.

Heisuke smiled flirtingly, "Of course it concerns me" he said sweetly, too sweet for Shinpachi's taste.

"Moron!"

"You're just jealous because I got turned into a gorgeous woman, you look like one of Okita's orphan friends…"

"Shut up!"

"You're just jealous" Heisuke said in a sing-song fashion

"Am not!"

"Are too, I mean even Susumu is prettier…Shinpachi's jealous!"

"Both of you shut up!" Susumu screamed angrily, finally causing the two bickering captains to freeze.

"Nothing will be solved if we argue and bicker…first thing is first…we have to find out how we turned into women….who did this to us….how do we change back…and if there are others who turned into women as well…"

"Well…if you turned into a woman and Shinpachi and me as well…then…"

Before Heisuke could finish the shoji doors flew open and revealed a looming shadow of an overgrown person…or was it even human…

"Oh shit its Yoshida!" Shinpachi screamed loudly (AN: Just imagine that scene with Tetsu in the closet and Yoshida's creepy eye)

Heisuke then clung on to Susumu for dear life, "Don't let him touch me!" Heisuke squealed.

"There's two of them…run for your life" Shinpachi screamed as he began running madly in his room

"Idiot…their blocking the exit…save the pretty newly transformed women first!"

"Don't start with that Heisuke!" Shinpachi said, his eyes twitching

"Susumu…let's team up and give these creeps what they want…Shinpachi the sacrifice…"

"Ahou! Shut up!"

"Baka…all of you..." Susumu sighed as he pried the young captain off his arm.

"I changed my mind...since Susumu wants to be brave let him be...his out you're the new pretty...come here ugly sacrifice"

Finding no one else to hold on to Heisuke grabbed hold of Shinpachi who began shaking with rage.

"Sacrifice the ugly eh? Just watch out Heisuke...better sleep with one eye open from now on..."

Susumu sighed as he approached the two looming figures,

"How's a guy able to sleep with all this noise?" The large figure spoke as it entered the room, the three young men gasped as they saw who it had been. The large looming figures had been, a still asleep Harada Sanosuke and a changed Saitou Hajime.

**First thing's first...I'm done with the whole discovering they're women scene...no just kidding...that was just the POV of Heisuke, Susumu and Shinpachi...anyways did you like it? I hope it was good enough...I really should be doing my homework but instead Im writing my fic!!! anyways today's thursday and yes when the weekend comes I shall write like their is no tomorrow...anyways here's a preview of Chapter IV**

** Chapter IV**

** Discovering the changes: Saitou, Sano and others POV**

_"Holy Tokugawa! Sano you're a woman too!"_

_"Saitou you too!"_

**Anyways just some sneak preview lines...lol...anyways my readers...which I love...I know they were bit wild and OOC especially Heisuke and Susumu...kinda...but yeah Heisuke I made him a narcissist...if you watch Bleach and that character named Yumichika whose such a pretty boy, yep that's who I based him off... anyways sorry if you found them OOC but hey wouldn't you go wild and crazy if you woke up one day and discovered you've turned into the opposite gender? exactly my point...anyways please review and read my next chapters... **


	4. Sano's a believer!

**Author's notes:**

Hello everyone!!! I'm very happy because of two things…1 is that people reviewed my story, sure they're not much but at least they took time to read it and liked it…2 is that those who reviewed my story found my story interesting and I'm happy for that as well.

So once again I wrote this story during English class, but perhaps I should stop that. I have an upcoming test on my Socrates play and instead of listening I have been writing, so must listen more and write less but to tell you guys the truth its hard to concentrate when a good idea hits you.

Anyways, this chapter is part 2 of when the boys in blue discover they've turned to women. I have also decided that the ones who are turning into women are the Ichimura brothers, the three comedians, Soji, Hijikata, Saitou and Susumu…Kondou-san won't transform…I'm not sure yet…so alas here it is chapter IV…Read and review!!!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own peacemaker kurogane…all I own is the insane twist that the men turn to women…

**Chapter IV:**

**Sano's a believer**

"How's a guy supposed to sleep around here?" the looming figure spoke sleepily

"Holy Tokugawa! Sano is that really you?" Shinpachi asked in disbelief, Heisuke upon seeing his gigantic friend nearly collapsed from a heart attack.

"_Ugly…so…so…ugly" _Heisuke thought as he clutched his heart

"S-sano…buddy?"

"Huh? Who are you?" The giant of a captain asked as he rubbed his drowsy eyes, apparently he was not fully awake to notice the rather unpleasant change.

"It's me moron, it's me Shinpachi!"

"Shinpachi?" Sano blinked once, then twice as he adjusted his vision. "Shinpachi what the hell are you doing dressed as a woman! Take that disguise out, you're one ugly girl!" Sano exclaimed as he attempted to yank off the shinpachi's "wig"

"Told you, you looked bad" Heisuke sneered as he did his new trademark hair swish, once again hitting poor Shinpachi in the face.

"Heisuke, if you don't shut up soon I'll shorten your freaking life span!" Shinpachi threatened as he tried to pry off the large man's hands off his scalp.

"Baka! Baka! Baka! Don't pull my hair like that" Shinpachi screamed, rubbing his throbbing scalp.

"H-h-hair? B-b-but…its long…and…and…womanly…what the hell is going on?" Sano demanded.

"Apparently a curse"

The four men turned to face non other than the ghost seeing Hajime Saitou, apparently he too had been transformed. He still bore his trademark ponytail but his boyish features were now softer, pale yet flawless but apparently his bored and expressionless demeanor still remained.

"Hajime you too!" Heisuke gasped as he approached the eerie captain, "Hmmm…if it weren't for those always sleepy eyes you have you'd actually overpower me in the pretty factor" Heisuke smiled devilishly at Shinpachi.

"Once again don't start with that Heisuke!"

Sano who had been confused from the beginning continued to look on with a dumbfounded expression, "What the hell are you idiots doing dressed as women?" Sano demanded his finger pointing madly from Susumu to Shinpachi to Heisuke to Saitou. "Are we going on some sort of undercover mission? And what the hell is Hajime blabbering about some curse!"

Susumu sighed, apparently Sano had been too dense to notice the change and if no one were to set him straight right away the giant captain would remain clueless.

"Harada-san, take a look at yourself" Susumu said as he handed him a mirror

"Why? Is something wrong with my face?"

"Trust me buddy, you're face isn't the only one" Shinpachi said

"What the hell was that supposed to mean?" Sano took hold of the mirror and nearly fainted at what he was seeing, "I look…I look…"

"Finally he notices!" Shinpachi breathes a sigh of relief

"I look…I look…I LOOK LIKE KOUNDA-TAICHOU'S MOTHER!"

Somewhere in the Shinsengumi compounds a certain commander sneezed

Apparently Sano was still his giant self, apparently too giant for female standards. His messy hair was tied in a loose pony tail, but instead of his rugged features soft effeminate features were present but his seppuku scar still remained.

Susumu, Saito, Heisuke and Shinpachi slapped their foreheads, Susumu was about to commit seppuku but deemed the idea far too slow to end his life.

"You finally get it? You're a woman…just like us now…"

"I get it…you guys applied this woman stuff on me while I was sleeping…eh Shinpachi, you were trying to get back at me weren't you? This whole I'm now a woman situation is a scheme of yours to get back at me for nearly burning you in your sleep." Sano said

"Baka! This isn't a joke…this is real okay? Just as Hajime said we're under some curse"

"The body explains it all Sano" Heisuke retorted

Finally realizing the truth behind his friends words the giant of a captain screamed madly, "I'VE TURNED INTO A WOMAN!" Sano screamed

"Took you long enough" Heisuke smirked as he joking punched his giant friend

"I'm a woman…I'm a woman…I'm a woman" Sano, half-dazed continued to mutter over and over again

"Yeah, a freakishly huge woman who happens to have a seppuku scar…" Shinpachi snickered to himself.

"Well…I suggest we go and check who else has turned into…um…women…" Susumu said as he broke the silence.

"Yamazaki-kun is right, if we want to break this curse we have to get going…" Shinpachi said as he grabbed what seemed to be a floral robe.

Heisuke eyed the robe; his eyes began to twitch madly. "Where the hell did you get that robe?" Heisuke demanded questioningly as Susumu, Saitou and Sano looked on with "What the hell" expressions plastered on their faces.

"This…um…um…it's a present for my mother…" Shinpachi stuttered with a grin

"Sure it is and I bet under these floors is an entire stash of women's clothes." (AN: Take note on this line because it'll be useful in other chapters, don't worry I'll explain the rest)

Slowly the men began walking to their a certain 1st captain's chambers, "Just why the hell are we going to Soji? You know how he treats everything as a joke" Heisuke whispered

"If we turned into women then perhaps he too has turned into a woman as well, I mean so far as I can conclude the curse probably took effect last night when we were intoxicated and who else was there but us, Soji, Tetsu and Tatsu and…oh shit"

The shinobi paused midway as he jaw dropped to the ground.

"What? What is it Susumu?" Shinpachi asked as he shook the seemingly frozen ninja

"AHHHHH!!! NOT ONLY DOES THE CURSE TURN YOU INTO A WOMAN BUT IT FREEZES YOU INTO A STATUE!!!" Sano panicked

**First of all I know this was supposed to be the chapter where it shows the POV of Sano, Saitou and the rest but yeah I just wanted to add this little Sano-not-noticing-he's-a-woman segment...but now that's done for I'll write the next chapter...**

**So anyways we have ourselves a Cliffhanger...so what do you think caused Susumu to stop midway? dun dun dun...anyways this concludes chapter IV...I made Sano an idiot here...he's dense and was kinda the last to figure out he was now a woman...this chapter was kind of hard to make because i didn't get to write down as much ideas in my english class, my teacher nearly caught me zoning out...so anyways thanks for reading and yes please review...i like reading your reviews...**

** PREVIEW FOR CHAPTER V**

"Susumu what is it?

"THE CURSE KILLS!"

"OKITA? IS THAT YOU...YOU LOOK..."

**Tune in next chapter...**


	5. The Shocking Truth Revealed

**Author's notes: **

Looks like I left you hanging there didn't I? The cliffhanger scene got to ya? lol..anyways the whole scene where Susumu stops is just a reaction so yeah...Anyways I appreciate the support and reviews and yes your reviews make my day, anyways here's yet another chapter of my story and I hate to say this to you but I am slowly developing a case of writer's block. Me and writer's block do not mix so therefore I am trying my best to write as much before all the inspiration leaves me. Read and Review ok?

**Chapter V**

**The Shocking truth**

Ichimura Tatsunosuke greeted the rays of sunshine with a smile, alas yet another gorgeous day fell upon Kyoto and it was just the right weather to do his bookkeeping duties outside in full view of the scenery.

"_The day is just perfect to do my calculating outdoors"_

"_Not too warm, not too frigid. Today is just the perfect day, just what could go wrong?"_

Just what could go wrong? He just had to ask.

Tetsu began walking to the bathroom when he suddenly noticed something peculiar about him, panicky he ran his fingers through his hair and noticed his head of spiky brown hair was now a head of long brown curls, his cheek bones high and his lips unusually soft and pale and the worst part was he woke up having feminine features he was never meant to have.

"Holy Bakufu" Tatsu said before fainting (AN: Bakufu is government system)

Just a few rooms down a certain captain by the name of Okita Soji who had been effeminate to begin with found himself staring at a reflection that was not his own, his violet orbs remained and so did his pale complexion but apparently by some unknown reason he had now attained some extra assets.

"Oh my…" was all the young captain uttered

Inside the demon vice commander's room a distraught Hijikata panicked madly as he observed his new look from head to toe, Hijikata twitched.

"I can't believe it…I'm" Hijikata said

"A" Okita followed

"Freaking" Tatsu said finally regaining his composure before fainting again. Apparently being a girl had been too much for him.

"GIRL!" Tetsu screamed

"AHHHHHH" The four of them screamed in unison, and yes that included the stoic demon commander. Tatsu fainted, Okita kept looking twice to make sure, Hijikata was ripping everything to shreds while Tetsu ran in circles screaming.

Hijikata demanding answers of his sudden gender change grabbed hold of his katana and stormed his way out his room.

"Oh shit…" Susumu gasped as his jaw dropped

"What is it Yamazaki-kun?" Saitou asked with his usual bored tone

"I feel...a presence..."

"Who is it?" Shinpachi asked curiously

The young ninja remained frozen apparently concentrating on the dark figure that approached them.

"IT'S THE CURSE!" Sano shrieked as he grabbed hold of Shinpachi, "IT FROZE SUSUMU AND NOT ITS OUT TO GET US"

"Baka! You're worst than Heisuke…"

"You better not be talking about me…" Heisuke retorted

"I sense a deathly aura…could it be…"

Susumu turned to face the ghost seeing captain and gave three nods

"Oh yeah…Hijikata found out…" (AN: picture Hijikata in the haiku book episode)

"Oh crap…" was all that Saitou could say

"Kami-sama…help us…" Sano, Shinpachi and Heisuke said as they huddled together

Still filled with rage the demon vice commander stomped his way into the quarters where the Ichimura brothers had occupied, to his dismay the shoji doors had been barred shut

"I-Ichimura open up!" Hijikata demanded, apparently his deep voice had now been replaced by that of a woman. _"Damn it. Even my voice isn't intimidating anymore, now how they hell am I supposed to run the Shinsengumi looking and sounding like this?"_

"Ichimura this is your commanding officer, open up or I will break down this door!"

Slowly the shoji doors opened up and revealed not Tatsu the big brother but…Tatsu the big sister? Hijikata gasped, alas he was not alone.

"Hijikata-san? Is that really you?" The bookkeeper asked as he opened the door wider

"Looks like I'm not the only one who got turned into a woman" Hijikata said bitterly as he entered the room

"Oh don't tell me you've turned into a woman too!"

"Oh I'm not a woman I just like dressing up as one…of course I've freaking turned into a woman what the hell do you think?" Hijikata growled causing Tatsu to shiver. "Sure now that Kami-sama has turned me into a woman…just what else is he up to next…"

Before the vice commander could answer a ball of fiery red hair stormed into the room, fists clenched and eyes watery. "Tatsu-nii! Tatsu-nii! I'm a…I'm a…OH MY GOD" the red head shrieked, forgetting his own troubles.

"TATSU YOU TOO!" Tetsu screamed as he hugged his brother or in this case sister

"Apparently so" Tatsu sighed

"AND HERE I THOUGHT I'D GONE CRAZY"

"That makes two of us"

"HOLY CRAP IS THAT HIJIKATA-SAN?"

"Oh great even the twerp turned into a woman" Hijikata groaned as he buried his face in his hands, "DAMN IT!"

"IT IS HIJIKATA-SAN! AHCK HE TURNED INTO A WOMAN TOO"

"As if he weren't enough trouble as a boy he's more trouble as a girl, now what other troubles does Kami-sama have in store for me now?" Hijikata asked sarcastically

"Hey Hijikata-san…um…you look good as a girl…" Tetsu said as he tried his best to stifle his laugh

Hijikata's eye twitched madly, his hand on the hilt of his sword ready to slice the boy into mince meat. _"Calm down Toshi...deep breaths...in and out...in and out..."_

"Its true...you look beautiful..."

"Ichimura…don't give me a reason to kill you…"

Moments later the three men were soon joined by Susumu, Saitou, Shinpachi, Heisuke, Sano and Okita Soji who seemed to not have changed at all.

"SAITOU-SAN? THE SHORT ONE? THE LARGE ONE? THE PERVERTED FREAK? SUSUMU? OKITA-SAN? YOU GUYS TURNED INTO WOMEN TOO?" Tetsu shrieked

"Short one?"

"Perverted Freak?"

"L-large one? I'M BIG BONED DAMN IT!"

"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH THESE NAMES?" Shinpachi and Heisuke demanded with rage

"They suit you" Saitou answered lazily as he entered the room

Now reunited the men found themselves in an uncomfortable silence, apparently neither knew where to start; except for Heisuke who started rating everyone in their now women forms.

"Saitou as a woman…hmmm…I love the whole mysterious dark woman aura in you, very pleasing and attractive. Susumu as a woman…I love your stoic personality and eyes that kill…"

"_The only thing my eyes want to kill is you if you won't shut up" _Susumu thought dangerously

"Tatsu-kun…hmmm…a bit shy but we can work this…puppy-boy, you are one cute girl…cuter than Shinpachi! Sano as I said rugged and big but it'll work…Shinpachi, one word ugly in curls…Taichou…."

"Say something negative about me Heisuke and I'll sell you to Shimabara" Hijikata threatened as he puffed on his pipe.

"Okay…Hijikata-san gorgeous as a woman…but has to stop smoking...no man would want a smoker for a wife..."

Hijikata twitched at his last comment, "Where the hell are you getting at?" the demon commander asked

"Eh...Heisuke is overwhelmed by the sudden change..." Sano covered up

"Overwhelmed my butt...he's just being weird again...like he usually is..."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that Shinpachi...now where was I...oh yes, and last but not the least Soji" Everyone turned to look at the 1st division captain who had seemed more feminine than before. Long purple locks, soft skin, he was the picture of perfection.

"I hate you…" Heisuke retorted

"Eh?"

"AS IF YOU WEREN'T GIRLY ENOUGH AS A MAN!"

"It's not my fault you know…sorry…I guess…" Okita sweat dropped

"I'm not satisfied with that..."

"Eh...I'm confused Todou-kun...should I apoligize again?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it"

"Heisuke here's a cut it for you…CUT THE CRAP YOU NARCISSIST BASTARD!" Shinpachi growled

"Both of you enough or I'll both sell you to Shimabara!" Hijikata growled as he puffed his pipe faster than usual. "Due to our current situations it seems like we'll be stuck in this predicament for a while" the demon commander began. "And being if that's the case I suggest we act discreetly, the other men must never know what has become of us. That could give the Choshu rebels an excuse to attack while we're at our weakest point"

"Or give the men an excuse to sell us to Shimabara!" Tetsu chimed in

"Yeah...sure...anyways Hijikata-san is right…as of now I guess we'll have to be discreet" Sano said

"Apparently that's easier said than done…HELLO! Ever thought about the fact we live in a compound of men, someone is bound to get suspicious!" Tetsu retorted

"Page boy is right…any suggestions of what to do…Yamazaki?"

"Well…in the mean time why don't we attain new identities and live by them as of now"

"New identities and why the heck would we need that?" Heisuke asked

"Idiot, new identities to keep our real ones safe, ever imagined what others would think if I called out Heisuke to you in your woman form" Shinpachi said

"Good plan! I've already picked a name"

"And what god forsaken name did you pick?"

"I'm not telling you…you might steal it…"

"Baka…absolute baka…"

"Actually its Hisaki..."

"And why the hell is it Hisaki?"

"Its the closest one to Heisuke so shut it...want me to make a name for you..."

"No thanks..."

"Be like that...I already dubbed Sano as Sana..."

"Sana? Isn't that Yamanami's name? and Sana is a stupid name"

"No his name is Sanaan...but yeah it does sound too womanly for Sano...how about Sanada, a combination of Sano and Harada!"

"Just shut it _Hisaki"_

"No you shut it _Shina_"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

"DON'T START!" Hijikata ordered, "Anyways Yamazaki's plan for new identities, good plan…anything else?"

"Well…as I have told the others earlier, it would seem as if the curse is centering around us, the same crowd that was at Tatsunosuke-kun's party" Susumu said

"I knew it! Tatsu cursed us!" Heisuke exclaimed, "You didn't want us to throw you a party or know it was your birthday so you cursed us!"

If Hajime Saitou weren't a man of patience he would have probably taken his prayer beads and shoved it in Heisuke's throat, luckily the mysterious captain remained calm.

"The curse was not emitted by Tatsunosuke…it's a dark aura…a vengeful aura…"

"Vengeful?"

The men huddled around and began to think…"Vengeful?"

"Now who would…" Shinpachi began scratching his chin

"Want to curse" Sano followed

"a group of" Okita said with a smile

"Sexy swordsmen" Heisuke said earning weird looks from the men around him, "okay fine…sexy Heisuke" now this time he not only earned weird looks from the men but a punch in the head from Sano and Shinpachi.

Susumu's eyes lit up, "I may have a lead…"

**So now that the boys have found out that they've turned into women the story shall progress on, anyways did you guys like it? I hope you did...I tried my best to fight off the writer's block and hopefully I prevailed in this story. Anyways Heisuke throughout the story will be an idiot with stupid remarks so please bear with that. Once again thank you to those who read this chapter and please review to tell me what you think...**

** PREVIEWS FOR CHAPTER VI**

The boys get new names to keep their real ones secret, they ask help from a certain captain

_"What kind of name is that?"_

_"Its better than yours Hisaki"_

_"Nothing can ever be better than mine"_


	6. It's all his fault

**Author's notes: **

Hello everyone, how is your Saturday going so far? Anyways I was going to write earlier but I had to brainstorm some ideas for this wickedly weird story you are currently reading and just for reading it, here's a cookie or make it two! So here it is the 6th chapter of Switched! Hope you like this one and don't forget to review okay?

**IMPORTANT CHANGES**: I know I was going to give the boys I mean girls new names in this chapter but I wanted to torture Heisuke so here it goes! Don't worry they'll get their new names next chapter and they also meet kondou-san next chapter

**Chapter VI**

**It's all his fault**

"I may have a lead" Susumu declared as the men or shall I saw _women _huddled over as close as they can; apparently Heisuke had huddled too close for comfort.

"Um…Todou-san…you're too…you're too close…" Susumu said uncomfortably

"Heisuke move your ass" Shinpachi ordered as he grabbed the latter by the collar causing Heisuke to fall flat on his rear end.

"Its Hisaki now remember?" Heisuke grinned slyly

"Whatever…Susumu go on…"

"Well as I was saying…I think the culprit to this is…"

"Yes" Hijikata said his eyes brightening, which was unusual due to the fact his eyes only brightened when he was in the mood to kill.

"It's…"

"Yes…Yes…" Tatsu and Tetsu chimed in merrily

"It's…"

"Yes…" Shinpachi asked his eyes sparkling

"The one who cursed us is…"

"A MAGICIAN!" Heisuke declared proudly, "IT WAS A MAGICIAN WHO CURSED US THIS ILL FATE…which by the way isn't that bad since I'm gorgeous…I don't know what happened to Shinpachi but come on look at me don't you agree that I'm the picture of perfection?" Heisuke grinned madly from ear to ear earning him a terrible beating from the group.

"That'll teach you to spoil the moment" Hijikata said coldly as he left the poor captain lying on the floor, "Who is it Yamazaki and for crying out loud hurry up before this Ahou decides to wake up from his concussion."

"Um…Todou-san was on the right track…" Susumu said bluntly

"…and that's the thanks I get for stating the obvious…you guys are cruel…" Heisuke grumbled from the floor

"A MAGICIAN!" The crowd exclaimed in disbelief

"How the hell could it be a magician eye brow freak?" Tetsu asked cockily

"Tetsu what did I say about calling your friends mean names?" Tatsu said as he punched his brother upside the head

"You said nothing about it…anyways go on Sumo…"

Susumu's eye twitched, _"Did...did that ball of fire just call me Sumo? He better watch it" _Susumu thought

Susumu cleared his throat and spoke, "I'll ignore that remark you just made…anyways seeing that we've mysteriously turned into women then who else could have done this but a being with magical powers"

"B-b-but that doesn't make any sense!"

"Nothing ever makes sense to you, ahou"

"What did you say?"

"I called you an ahou…want me to spell it too…A-HOU…A-HOU…A-HOU…"

"THAT'S IT YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Ok both of you shut it before I lock you in a room with Heisuke" Tatsu threatened as he pulled his little "_sister" _by the collar.

"What's so wromg about being trapped in a room with me?" Heisuke asked asked he got up from the floor

The rest sweat dropped, "Well...oh...I don't know...EVERYTHING!" Shinpachi stated

"Oh I'm sorry could you define everything to me, my beauty was overpowering your statement"

"Shove that last statement up your ass Heisuke..."

"What was that? Heisuke has a sexy ass?"

The rest twitched as Shinpachi grabbed a lock of his hair and yes he wanted to pull it out so bad, "Heisuke..you've said enough...shut up...just shut up for our sake and Kami's sake...got that?"

"Whatever you say..._Shina-chan_"

"You freakin' bastard"

Okita simply smiled at the scene before him and said, "As hard it is to believe Yamazaki-kun could be right, what do you think Hijikata-san?" The group turned to see their demon vice commander smacking his head on the wall apparently muttering profanities.

"H-Hijikata-san?"

"I think Hijikata-san's off his rocker" Sano whispered

"Eh...wasn't he always a bit loopy to begin with?" Tetsu said in a hushed tone

"Oh yeah...true...but I think he's steps away from cracking"

"He's cracked before, don't you remember the little Haiku stunt?" Shinpachi stated

"Oh yeah...he's been nuts before..."

"Looks like he's going back to maniac mode" Tetsu pointed out as they watched their vice commander smack himself silly

"You…you…you expect me believe that a freaking magician turned me into a WOMAN!" The demon commander screeched

"My apoligies for stating something far fetched..." Susumu bowed

"Hijikata-san you shouldn't be so harsh, look now you've made Yamazaki-kun upset" Okita scolded

"Its alright Okita-san, Hijikata-san is right..."

"Well I think he's wrong...Hijikata-san just tell me who else you think it could have been…do you by any chance know anyone with magical powers?" Okita asked sarcastically

Hijikata shook his head, _"A magician is too far fetched...I mean do they even exist!"_

"I thought so, anyways Saitou-san what do you think of this assumption?"

The 3rd division captain who apparently had been sleeping cracked a sleepy eye open, "Ghosts did it" he muttered before going back to his peaceful slumber.

"OH CRAP!" Sano exclaimed

"What now big bones?" Tetsu said in a bored manner earning him a punch on the head from the giant captain, "Damn it that hurts you know!"

"Then that'll teach you what happens when you call people unwanted names" Tatsu hissed

"I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS!"

"Here we go again..."

"If Hajime said ghosts then I think...YOSHIDA'S SPIRIT CURSED US!"

"Oh great one maniac says that a magician turned us to women and this bigger maniac says that some freaking ghost turned us into this" Shinpachi complained

"Aside from his assumption anyone else got anything to say?" Shinpachi asked, no one replied.

"I GOT IT!" Sano exclaimed

"Sano if you give another remark as stupid as Heisuke's you'll end up on the floor like him" Shinpachi threatened, "Trust me it will be your hell on this earth"

"Jeez, Shinpachi you're mean and how many times do I have to say its Hisaki now…"

"If you don't shut up it won't be Hisaki now or ever because you'll be dead!"

"You guys! Girls! Whatever we are…I think I know what turned us into women!" Sano said excitedly

"Give it a shot Harada…and if it's stupid…I'll kill you with my feminine hands" Hijikata said demonically, before slapping himself menatally. _"I'll kill you with my feminine hands? Kami-sama I'm turning into that ahou...take me now kami-sama"_

"Well…uh I was going to say the dango killed us but eh…never mind…I'd like to live to see my manly self back" Sano said as he scratched the back of his head.

Tatsu who had been deep in thought suddenly realized a possible truth, "Wait a second…Saitou-san do you think that the one who cursed us was that woman we encountered while walking back here?"

"Woman I don't remember a woman" Sano declared

"Of course you wouldn't you were too drunk to remember a thing" Shinpachi said coldly

"What do you think Saitou-san? Could **she **be the reason that we've turned like this?"

The 3rd division captain thought carefully, "From what I can remember she seemed the most vengeful that night, the question is, who was she vengeful at"

As the memories suddenly came back, the rest of the crowd angrily turned to look at Heisuke, who was now busy twirling strands of his newly gained dark brown locks while humming, "What did I do now?" He asked defensively

"HEISUKE YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Grab him before he moves!"

"What? Hey stop that! AHHHH…careful damn it I bruise like a peach!" (AN: I got this idea from one of my guy friends, when someone smacks him he says this it's funny and I laugh like a derranged maniac...ok back to the story)

"Ichimura are you stating that Todou is the cause of this?" Hijikata asked

"W-well, as far as I can remember you, Yamazaki-san and Kondou-san were out cold, while Todou-san had been drunk but awake and so were, Nagakura-san and Harada-san"

"BUT WHAT THE HELL DOES THE CURSE GOT TO DO WITH ME!" Heisuke demanded as Shinpachi restrained him

"Apparently if I'm not mistaken while we were walking back to the headquarters we encountered this woman and she was saying how troublesome men were and how they were like pigs."

"BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T PROVE IT'S MY FAULT!"

"That woman appeared mysteriously after Todou-san made that comment about women being the same…as far as I can remember Todou-san had been saying some degrading things about women then that old woman came and told us off but we weren't listening since Todou-san had been butting in the conversation"

Angry eyes turned to face Heisuke who now smiled sheepishly at his mistake, "I was drunk…can't you let me off for that…"

"Being drunk can get you into trouble, that's why I never drink" Okita implied with a smile

"Yeah but too much candy does" Hijikata muttered to himself

"You see even Soji agrees and he says I'm innocent!"

"But Todou-san if you hadn't insulted that woman she wouldn't have gone all vengeful and curse us like this" Tatsu said

"SO IF IT WEREN'T FOR HEISUKE'S BIG MOUTH WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!" Shinpachi growled

"SO IF IT WEREN'T FOR TODOU'S BIG MOUTH WE'D BE LIVING OUR NORMAL LIVES" Hijikata snarled as he cracked his knuckles one by one

"IF IT WEREN'T FOR THAT PERVERTED FREAKS BIG MOUTH I WOULDN'T END UP LOOKING LIKE SAYA'S FRIENDS!" Tetsu screeched

"YEAH AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR HEISUKE'S BIG MOUTH I WOULDN'T END UP LOOKING LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN ME AND KONDOU-SANS MOTHER!" Sano screamed

Heisuke who had now realize the truth behind his mistakes laughed nervously as his friends began to tower over him, their eyes set to kill mode.

"Hey guys come on…c-can't we…c-can't we just forgive and forget…come on…let's just act as if this never happened…" Heisuke stammered

"The only thing that we'll forget is your existence! SANO GET YOUR SPEAR!" Shinpachi demanded

"RIGHT AWAY!"

"WAIT! WAIT! Just…just…just… what the heck are you going to do with that freaking spear?!?"

"Seppuku is too honorable for you…we'll skewer you to death" Hijikata stated bluntly

"Yeah…like tempura and dango!" Tetsu said evilly his eyes hinting malice, "Tempura and Dango...yummy..."

"B-but…BUT I'M TOO GORGEOUS TO PRUNE UP LIKE TEMPURA!" Heisuke shrieked

"Too bad...look at it this way, you'll be the prettiest one in kami nows where he'll take you"

"Shinpachi that's not funny! HELP ME! MUTINY ITS MUTINY I TELL YOU"

_"Aw Shit, now I feel guilty for telling Todou-san off but he is an idiot and maybe if they do skewer him things will get quiet but wait that's not right why am I even thinking that. I guess I should help him, he does deserve a little bit of justice and him dead would only cause more troubles" _Tatsu now feeling guilty did what a man of righteousness would do or in this case woman of righteousness would do, he helped the idiot.

"Wait! Just wait! It may be Todou-san's fault but he was too drunk to distinguish right from wrong" Tatsu defended but in his mind he was slapping himself silly

"Apparently even when he's sober he still can't tell the difference…Tetsu move before we skewer you too!" Shinpachi demanded

"Nothing can be solve if we kill him!" Tatsu said earning him a teary eye from Heisuke

"TATSU NOT ONLY DO YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL BUT YOU ARE **MY **ANGEL" Heisuke declared as he hugged the twitching bookkeeper

"Um...Thanks..."

"Awww...sorry to ruin this tender moment between two men transformed into women but uh we have an idiot to kill...in oh I don't know...NOW!"

"Please don't hold Todou-san liable for some wrong actions he didn't know were wrong because he was drunk"

"He started this mess Tetsu...its either you're with us or you're siding with the idiot!"

"Listen what if we drop the whole intent to kill and just try and figure this out together!"

"Tetsunosuke-kun is right, nothing can be solved with Todou-kun dead" Okita said with a smile

"YOU OKITA ARE AN ANGEL FROM HEAVEN..." Heisuke said happily as he tackled the young captain into a bone crushing embrace

"It was only fair to save you and besides I don't think Harada-kun and Nagakura-kun have it in them to kill of one the members of the three comedians" Okita giggled

"Actually him in this woman state wants me to kill him more...as if he weren't bad enough as a man he has to be worse as a woman!" Shinpachi groaned as he sat unhappily on the ground, "You cheated death this time Heisuke...but I'm on to you"

"Fine! We won't kill the bastard but listen up! If we don't change back to our normal selves again the firsts one to die are you and Heisuke!" Hijikata grumbled

Tatsu nodded as he pried off the captain off his arm, "Now first things first…we tell the commander."

"Just one problem" Susumu announced

"What's the problem?"

"How do you expect the commander to believe that we're who we are"

"Good point"

"Aaaahhhh!!!! It never ends! We'll be stuck like this forever!" Tetsu groaned

"Kondou could be dense at times, we could try and trick him"

"Good plan as always sir" Susumu stated

"Trying to kiss up aren't you?" Tetsu sneered

"But that won't work either...to hell with it, no matter what we'll just have to tell the man and besides he'd be wanting to know what has happened to his finest men"

"Finest men? by that you mean excluding Heisuke right?" Shinpachi grinned

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

"Yes...excluding the ahou"

"WHAT!"

End of Chapter

**So did you guys like the chapter? I hope you did, I was going to make this the chapter where they get new names and stuff but I decided last minute to just add a Heisuke being stupid chapter to make things fun and abusive to him...anyways once again you know the drill, read and review and stay for the next chapter to come...**


	7. Meeting Kondou's nieces?

**Author's notes:**

I know I promised you another chapter of hilarious mishaps and mayhem so here it is, I hope my readers will enjoy this chapter and as promised this is the chapter where the boys get their new female identities and their poor commander discover the shocking truth that his beloved men are now his beloved men. Read and Review!

**Chapter VII**

**Meeting Kondou's Nieces**

**Flashback**

Kondou Isami despite suffering a terrible headache from last night's festivities awoke groggily from his peaceful slumber, the jolly commander after folding up his futon and arranging his chambers headed out the headquarters in the early hours of morning. This was a daily routine the commander did; he'd wake up, he'd fix his belongings and head out to town and buy some supplies he or his bookkeeper might need.

"Good morning commander" A soldier greeted as he saw his beloved commander depart from his chambers.

"Good morning, did you happen to see Hijikata or any of the captains?" Kondou asked with a hearty smile

"No sir"

"Hmm…they still must be out cold from all the sake, well if you see them tell them I'll be going out for a bit"

"Yes Sir"

**End of Flashback**

Just outside the Kondou Isami's chambers nine looming shadows hid behind one of the bushes, apparently the bush was too small to hid everyone especially Harada Sanosuke who was a giant of a man or in this case woman.

"Heisuke that's my freaking foot, get off it you bastard!"Shinpachi spat

"Ouch! Someone just stung me!" Heisuke yelped

"Who would want to sting you? You're walking poison" Shinpachi retorted with a devious grin

"Sumo get off my hand, you're foot is on my hand damn it!" Tetsu protested

"It was? I didn't see it" Susumu replied in his usual bored demeanor

"Bastard, you did that on purpose didn't you?"

"Maybe…"

"Wait until I become a man again then I'll kill you"

"Shut it puppy you were never a man to begin with" Heisuke stated

"At least I'm way manlier than you'll ever be"

"Are you implying I'm gay!?!" Heisuke screeched

"No…Takeda-san is gay…but you…you're a weirdo with an unusual fetish for cute things" Shinpachi said (AN: Takeda was a shinsengumi who was rumored to be gay, you'll be seeing him in my later chapters)

"I can't believe I'm stuck in a bush with a bunch of ahous….kami-sama take me now…" Hijikata murmured

"This is kind of fun ne Hijikata? Its like we're on a mission" Soji implied happily

"On second thought…kami-sama kill me now!"

As they continued to argue, unbeknownst to them a certain eerie captain had already checked out their target to find the room absolutely empty.

"He's not here" Saitou called out with droopy eyes

"What do you mean he's not there?" Hijikata demanded as he knocked over everyone else

"You mean I hid in a bush with a weirdo for nothing!" Shinpachi growled as he walked over to Saitou and Hijikata.

"Shinpachi you're such a mean hearted person" Heisuke said as he pretended to cry

"Where could he have gone" Tatsu asked

"I believe Kondou-san is on his routine trip to town" Susumu implied as he brushed off the leaves and twigs stuck to his garments.

The rest turned to him with malice in their eyes, the young ninja faltered back.

"You mean….you mean…YOU KNEW HE WAS ON THIS FREAKING TRIP!" Tetsu screamed

"Commander always goes to town early in the morning to get supplies…I was presuming vice commander knew"

"That slipped my mind…" Hijikata groaned

"So what do we do know?"

"There's only one thing we could do…we follow him"

"Wait a second!" Heisuke announced

"Heisuke what now?" Shinpachi grumbled

"We can't just follow him, I mean look at us…just what exactly are we going to tell him if he asks who we are?"

"He's right…well I supposed we could wait for him here" Hijikata said

"Um…excuse me?"

The girls turned around to face 2 soldiers with bewildered expressions plastered on their faces.

"Who do you think they are?" One whispered

"They look oddly familiar…" the other responded, "Um…can we help you in anything, you happen to be trespassing in Shinsengumi property and we advise you to leave"

Hijikata twitched, if he had not been in this strange predicament he would have wringed their necks by now.

"Um…um…we're here for the commander" Heisuke said with a girlish grin

"May I ask your purpose of visit?"

"We're um…we're um…"

"HIS NIECES!" Sano declared as the others slapped their foreheads

The 2 soldiers looked at them and began whispering among themselves, "I never knew commander had nieces…let alone…a giant niece who freakishly resembles Harada-san"

"Their suspicious" Hijikata hissed wanting to kill Sano so badly

"Relax…they belong to Heisuke…so like him they're pretty dense"

"What the hell was that supposed to mean?"

"Shut it!"

"Could they really be his nieces?" one soldier asked

"There's more to the commander that we may never know" the other whispered back, the two then turned to face the girls.

"Kondou-san is currently in town shopping for supplies but seeing that you're family I suppose it would be alright to let you wait here."

"Arigato…you boys are so sweet" Heisuke said with a giggle and a wink causing the two soldiers to blush madly

"Anything to help beautiful ladies such as yourself" With that said the 2 soldiers departed

The rest turned to face Heisuke, "Heisuke…did…did you just wink at your own men?"

"Can't a girl tease?" Heisuke said with a pout

"Yeah girls can not a man who's turned into one…baka!" Shinpachi spat

"Don't be jealous because he called me beautiful"

"He did not call you beautiful" Shinpachi cringed

"Yes he did…he was looking directly at me when he was saying it"

"Here we go again" Sano said as he rolled his eyes

"Okay shut it!" Hijikata snarled, "First things first as Yamazaki-kun suggested we have to change our names"

"Hijikata-san is right, we can't increase the chances of being found out" Soji stated

"I'm already _Hisaki _now remember?" Heisuke said

"Ugh" Shinpachi said as he rolled his eyes

"I got it! Hijikata-san please let me give you the names! Please oh please" Heisuke pleaded

"If you give us weird names I'll kill you" Shinpachi threatened

The men thought for a while until finally…

"From now on as I am in this dreaded woman form you shall call me as Toshimi-chan" Hijikata stated as the rest turned to him, their jaws dropped. _"Did I just tell these idiots to call me Toshimi, oh lord the world is coming to an end"_

"Um…how did you…" Tetsu stuttered

"Don't you dare ask how I conjured that name…I'll kill you if you do"

"Okay…Never mind" Tetsu gulped

"Okay Hijikata-san is now Hijikata Toshimi and I am Todou Hisaki and you guys are?

"Okita Sonomi"

"Not bad Sonomi-chan" Heisuke or should I say Hisaki winked

"Yamazaki Sumi" Susumu replied bluntly, his hands itching to grab the nearest katana and lop off his own head for even thinking up of such a name

"Yamazaki Sumo would have been better!" Tetsu said slyly earning him a punch from the said ninja

"Don't listen to him Sumi-chan, the new name so fits you!" Heisuke rejoiced

"Hajime Saiko" the eerie captain said nonchalantly

"But doesn't that sound too much like Saitou?" Tetsu asked

"The spirits told me to name myself Hajime Saiko"

Everyone backed away from the demented captain

"Okay…how about you Tatsunosuke-kun?"

"Well…I'm not very good at names…" The bookkeeper said as he scratched his head

"Then let me name you then!" Heisuke said with a smile

"Tatsu don't do it! Unless you want your name to turn out like an idiots think of your own…" Shinpachi warned before he was silenced by Heisuke's shoe

"Tatsunosuke from now on you'll be known as Tatsuki"

"Oh…um…alright…it's actually…um…nice"

"BAKA! IT RHYMES WITH HISAKI!" Shinpachi screeched

"Lets see now, and what about you puppy-chan? What name would you like _Hisaki-chan _to come up for you?"

"No thanks I already have a name…"

"Nonsense let me name you"

"I ALREADY THOUGHT OF ONE"

"But yours will be ugly"

"Heisuke leave him alone"

"No you be quiet _Shina" _

Shinpachi twitched; he twitched very madly, "FOR THE LAST TIME STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"I got it! Tetsunosuke-kun your new female name is Tetsuna-chan"

"But…but"

"Awww…he loves it so much he's in shock"

"BUT I HATE IT"

Heisuke turned around with teary eyes, "sniff…y-you…sniff…hate…sniff…it?" he said as he started to cry

"Baka…fine I love it…"

"I KNEW YOU'D COME AROUND!" Heisuke rejoiced as he hugged Tetsu tightly

"Why do I have a feeling the bastard was faking it" Tetsu groaned

"Sano…got any names?"

"Um…Sana?"

"There is no way I'm letting my friend be known as Sana besides I've already thought of one…Harada Sanosuke you're new name is Sanayumi-chan!"

"Um…I rather take the Sanada name you gave me"

"Suit yourself….now last but not least…Shinpachi"

Shinpachi's eyes turned demonic the moment Heisuke looked his way, "I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT DAMN NAME"

"Nagakura Shinpachi…you are now Nagakura Shina…" Heisuke grinned devilishly, "Okay everyone we have new names now here it goes…"

Toshizou-Toshimi (Hijikata twitched madly and cursed to himself for even thinking of such a name)

Soji- Sonomi (Soji was fairly content)

Saitou- Saiko (Was too busy too care)

Tatsu-Tatsuki (liked it nevertheless)

Tetsu- Tetsuna (Was still upset since he wanted a better name)

Susumu-Sumi (Was upset at Tetsu for insulting his choice of name)

Sano-Sanada

Heisuke-Hisaki (Was extremely happy)

Shinpachi-Shina (Wanted to commit seppuku as soon as possible)

Hijikata who had been watching from the sidelines cursed silently, "Okay now that we've got our names we need to devise a plan about Kondou"

"Well we can…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the front gates of the Shinsengumi compound, Kondou Isami returned with a couple of bags filled with supplies and necessities.

"Ohayo" Kondou greeted to the two guards stationed at front

"Ohayo taichou"

"Anything new while I was away?"

"Nothing much sir"

"That's good to know"

"But…your nieces did come to visit"

Kondou stopped midway and looked at the soldier with curious eyes, "My nieces?"

"Hai…there were a lot of them and I told them to wait at your quarters"

"Are they still there?"

"Probably…they insisted on waiting for you"

With that said Kondou speed walked to his compounds.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Okay here's the plan, seeing that Kondou won't believe us when he gets here Harada and Saitou grabbed the man by the arms and force him down. Todou and Nagakura tie him up with this rope, Soji you make sure no one is around to see us do this and Yamazaki make sure you shut him up before he causes us more trouble. Any questions?"

"Eh…Hijikata-san what do I do when all this is going on?" Tetsu asked sheepishly

"The older Ichimura stands guard while you just sit and watch"

"UNFAIR! I want a job!" Tetsu whined

"No time he's coming!"

The girls assembled to their stations as they heard the rustling of footsteps, Saitou and Sano hid behind the shoji doors ready to tackle their commander.

"1…2…3…GRAB HIM!" Hijikata ordered as Saitou and Harada grabbed the defenseless Kondou, knocking the poor commander on the ground. "Nagakura and Todou get the rope! Yamazaki shut him up!"

"Sorry for this taichou, but we need you to listen up…" Susumu apologized as he gagged the commander with a cloth

"Soji, were there any witnesses?"

"Everything is clear sir" Soji said as he saluted

"Ichimura close the shoji doors…"

"Um…Hai…"

Kondou Isami was shocked and appalled that a bunch of women had managed to catch him off guard, but he had to say that these were no ordinary women these women had the strength of men.

"_Just who the hell are these manly women?"_

"_Are they Choshu kunoichi?"_

"Kondou, we'll take that cloth out of your mouth if you promise to listen to us" Hijikata said, "Do you promise to not scream, not struggle and just listen?"

The commander nodded his head, "Take the cloth out Todou." Finally free from that vile cloth which he used by the way to blow his nose the commander looked at the unfamiliar faces before him.

"Who the hell are you?" He demanded coldly, as expected from the father of the mibu wolves.

"Even if we told you, I'm sure you wouldn't believe us" Hijikata uttered as he sat before his commander, "It's a story you would laugh at and would never believe"

"I've heard a hell lot of crazy stories young lady…just try me…"

With a sigh Hijikata looked around the room, the rest gave a nod in approval to tell the story to their commander. "Kondou…it's me Hijikata…"

Kondou Isami felt his soul depart from his body there and then, "T-toshi?" he stuttered

"Yes"

Instead of hearing an intelligent response Kondou's response had been nothing but a loud laugh, "Sure you are miss! So…care telling me who set you up to do this? Are you some woman from Shimabara hired by Toshi to make me look like a fool?"

"Damn it Kondou listen!" Hijikata fumed finally getting the attention of the laughing commander, "It's us alright! This isn't a sick joke, it's me Hijikata and that over there are Harada, Nagakura and Todou. The two over there are the Ichimura brothers and those two are Saitou and Soji and the one who gagged you was Susumu."

"Sure they are…_Toshi._.." Kondou scoffed

"Kondou-san…I know you don't believe us but it really is us, Hijikata-san is telling the truth" Okita implied softly

"First of all, the men you just mentioned are men to begin with. As I said I have no clue who told you to trick me into believing this but you better get your money back because I am not convinced"

The crowd sighed heavily, "It's no use…he's too dense to understand" Heisuke muttered

"We should have done Plan B" Sano said

"There was no plan B you moron" Shinpachi retorted apparently annoyed

"I thought…oh never mind"

Kondou noticing the tension the room softly spoke to the women, "It was some joke you tried to pull but if you don't mind I have men to run and a war to plan so please untie me"

Suddenly Hijikata's eyes widened, an idea had struck him. "You still won't believe it's us?" He stated simply

"Not one bit my dear"

"Well would you believe that I am Hijikata if I told you that for fun you like to stuff your fist in your mouth?"

Kondou looked on with bewilderment, "H-how…how did you know that?"

"I caught you once doing that and you said you were practicing your caligraphy but i know you do crazy things"

The others looked on with hopeful faces as the idea struck them as well.

"Kondou-san…look at us and who do you see?" Shinpachi declared with a grin, "Don't we remind you of a group of comedians?"

Kondou gasped as he noticed the sudden resemblance to his three comedians, "Oh my…you three look a lot like…"

"Shinpachi? Heisuke? Sano? Yeah that's because it is us" The three comedians grinned

"Kondou-san! Kondou-san! It's me Tetsunosuke…remember how I snuck out with Saitou-san to get some soba and Hijikata-san went demonic and you told him to forgive me since I was just a child"

"Tetsu…you….it's you? And is that… could those two be Tatsu and Susumu?"

"Hai" The two said in unison

"And…and…and that's Saitou!" Kondou exclaimed in disbelief

"So do you finally believe us?" Hijikata smirked

Kondou trying to take in all the information at once gave three quick nods, "How the hell did you turn into women?" he demanded

"Apparently …this is a curse…" Saitou said as he began to untie the commander

"A Curse? From what?"

"Apparently Heisuke's the one to blame as of now…"

"DON'T START SHINPACHI!"

"Actually it all started this morning when we woke up…the older Ichimura says that there was a strange vengeful woman we encountered last night"

"So…if you…if you're who you say you really are…then…THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" Kondou panicked

"Being that we've turned into woman at the most crucial of times…I guess you'll just have to run the Shinsengumi without us" Hijikata sighed

"But…but…but the men…did any of them find out?"

"No, as of now they think we're your nieces and its better that way"

"Good…that's good…I don't think any of them would want to believe their beloved vice chief and captains have turned to women"

"That's true"

"So…um…what's the plan now Toshi?"

"Actually while we're in our women forms you'll have to call us by our female names and about the plan…I have no plan…"

"Um…here's an idea…how about we get rid of these clothes…wouldn't people wonder why the heck women are dressed as men…" Heisuke stated

"Looks like we'll have to visit Takeda-san" Shinpachi sighed

"Takeda-san? What about him?" Kondou asked

"You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

**End of chapter**

**Finally I made female names for them...and I hope you liked them...I like Heisuke's its funny...anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I think its longer than the others since I was trying to combine to events in one chapter. Anyways people read and review and stay tuned for chapter VIII...**

** CHAPTER VIII**

Our poor boys in blue or should I say gals in blue visit a certain captain with a deep secret, more tensions rise when a certain inn pays the headquarters a visit and guess what it's Heisuke's fault once again.

_"We've come to visit the shinsengumi, they owe us big time..."_

_"Heisuke why is it every bad thing that happens to us traces back to you?"_

_"Why the hell are you blaming me for?"_

_"When I transform to my old self I'm killing you"_


	8. Takeda Kanryusai, the man with a secret

**Author's notes: Sorry if its long…**

Hello everyone, I'm glad my readers find my story entertaining so far and thanks for the reviews by the way, they always make me smile. Here are my thanks to my great reviewers! You deserve hugs!

**Evee-chan:** Thank you for sticking around to read my story and for tolerating my weird idea…lol…you're reviews and the reviews of others make my day and the name Toshimi…lol…it just popped out of nowhere in my head… glad you like the name!

**Sedarephs:** Thanks for reviewing and for enjoying my story and for also pointing out that mistake I made regarding Saitou's name, I'll go and fix it up now!

**Ayray:** Thanks for reviewing and glad to hear you're enjoying my chapters!

**Buffalocatz** Another great reviewer, thanks for sticking around as well and about my English class eh I guess I have to listen from now on since my teacher practically stands in front of me during the reading…so sad...but I'll conjure more ideas during my favorite subject, lunch time.

Anyways a reviewer of mine (Sedarephs) has pointed out to me a good mistake that I thought should be corrected; in the last chapter since I was rushing like a deranged maniac I made a mistake regarding Saitou's name. His Last name is Saitou while given name is Hajime and in the whole change of names scenario I changed the last name and not the first so I apologize for that mistake and thank you for pointing it out to me.

So instead of "Saiko" Saitou's new name will be Hanajima Saitou…(Yeah, the name was last minute thinking)

Anyways being the Shinsengumi deranged fan that I am, for this chapter I had to take out every Shinsengumi related book I had (yes I admit my parents bought me every Shinsengumi/Samurai era related books and yes they tolerate my weird obsession for the Shinsengumi… )

**Notes:**

Before you beat me with a stick or jab me with a katana I have some notes in case you might be interested about the character that'll be focused on in this chapter, his name is Takeda Kanryusai and he was a member of the Shinsengumi who had been rumored to be a homosexual. Anyways Takeda was a sneaky bastard, indeed he was; his personality was that of a kiss-up. He kissed-up to every commander and he was said to be mean and sneaky towards subordinates, another thing you should know about Takeda-san is that when the Shinsengumi and the rest of the Bakufu we're on the verge of losing he then betrayed them and switched sides with Satsuma (who if you didn't know was an ally of Choshu) In my story, (I'm not going to follow the entirety of history since I'm toying with our boys in blue) Takeda-san will be somewhat of a useful character to the boys…I mean ladies.

Anyways yes, I did some research regarding the people I'd use here and I'm going to shut up now because I know you're all going to beat me like a piñata if I don't shut it and so here it is dear readers, my new chapter!

**Chapter VIII**

**Enter: Takeda Kanryusai, the man with a secret**

Kondou Isami and Hijikata Toshizou looked at three comedians with utter confusion in their faces; Kondou who had just processed the information of his men turning into women soon found himself processing another information regarding a certain captain, Takeda Kanryusai.

"What about Takeda-san?" Hijikata asked, his eyebrow raised

"Well…um…well…um…you tell him Sano" Shinpachi stuttered as he backed away from the commander and demon vice chief

"Um…well…we've…we've heard rumors about him…" Sano began

"And these rumors would pertain to?"

"Well…um…how do I put this…well…um…there have been rumors that Takeda-san…is…is…" Sano paused, not wanting to rat out on a fellow captain

"Harada, for Kami's sake; if you don't tell us right now I will add another seppuku scar in that belly of yours" Hijikata snarled

"Toshimi, nothing can be resolved if you raise your temper" Kondou said softly

Hijikata twitched at his commander's comment, "Did you…did you just call me Toshimi?" He asked as his eye twitched madly.

"You told me to call you by your woman alias" Kondou replied with a grin

"Isami...baka…" Hijikata whispered through gritted teeth

"Well Harada-kun, are you going to tell us or not?"

With a heavy sigh the giant captain found it futile to lie any further, "There have been rumors going around that…that…that Takeda-san is…is…he's gay…"

The room fell silent as numerous jaws literally dropped and souls left their owner's bodies; everyone after having a moment of silence regained their composure.

"Wow…um…well…that…that was truly unexpected" Kondou said uneasily, "Harada-kun…now tell me how in the world you've come to this presumption?"

"Well, many of the men have been saying that at times they could have sword that Takeda-san had make up on and when he was questioned about it he said he had been visiting his woman at Shimabara" Sano explained

"SO THAT EXPLAINS THAT LIP REDDENING!" Heisuke exclaimed (AN: Lip reddening is my "olden day" name for lipstick)

"Lip reddening? What the hell are you talking about?" Shinpachi asked

"Well, one time I caught him with unusually red lips and when I asked him about it he said his woman at Shimabara wouldn't let him leave and had kissed him way too much the stuff rubbed off onto him, I knew it was too good to be true!" Heisuke explained in an as a matter of fact fashion

"Just what the heck does that supposed to mean?" Shinpachi questioned, "What the heck do you mean by it being too good to be true?"

"Oh, I meant about the woman not being able to let go of Takeda-san…I mean compared to me I think women should be running for their lives not clinging onto him" Heisuke said with a smile

"Look whose talking, if I recall you're the one who scares off every freaking woman" Shinpachi grinned

"Just shut it _Shina_, I don't want to hear another word from you"

"Commander…vice-commander, although this statement isn't confirmed yet but my female disguises have been missing from my possessions, I am not implying that it was Takeda-san who has them but men have been saying that they've caught the captain dressed in women's clothes" Susumu stated simply

"Maybe it was you" Tetsu scoffed earning him a punch from the stoic shinobi, "HEY! I WAS JUST STATING THE OBVIOUS, AND OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO DRESSES AS A WOMAN!"

The room fell silent as they turned to face Heisuke, everyone slowly backing away

"What now?"

"Um…yeah…rephrase what I said and add pervert man over there" Tetsu grinned

"WHAT!"

Kondou smiled sheepishly, "Well being that this is the situation, I supposed we could go and speak to Takeda about this"

The rest nodded in agreement

"But what I don't understand is that why would we go to Takeda-san in the first place, aside for confronting him of course?" Kondou asked curiously

"Well, rumors have been going around as well that Takeda-san…he…he…he makes kimonos during his spare time like Hijikata makes medicine" Sano stated

"WHO TOLD YOU I MADE MEDICINE?" Hijikata asked defensively

"You shouldn't be ashamed Hijikata-san and I also think its only right for the men to know where they got their "special" medicine from" Soji said with a smile

"Oh my…Takeda…Takeda…he makes kimonos?" Kondou stammered

"Well, women's kimonos to be sure and another rumor is that when he's on patrol he pretends to be checking out the katanas but he's actually making a deal with the local merchants"

"Oh my…" Kondou sighed

"Yeah and seeing that we've turned into women...might as well need clothes!"

"Eh…Saitou-san, didn't you say you sensed something unusual about Takeda-san too?" Tetsu asked the sleepy captain who turned to him with a bored look

"Indeed…he had a shadow trailing behind him" Saitou replied nonchalantly as everyone turned to face the two

"Was it a dark shadow like mine?" Tetsu asked engrossed by the topic

"No…it was more of…a pink shadow"

Everyone slapped themselves upon hearing the captain's last retort, Susumu twitched uncontrollably as the three comedians sweat dropped and the Ichimura brothers gasped.

Hijikata who had been silent the entire time picked up a book and started hitting his head with it, the rest sweat dropped as the demon vice commander continued the process over and over again.

"Great…just great…I have a queer among my men" the demon vice commander groaned as he dazedly smacked himself with a book, "The world is crashing…I've been commanding a queer all this time" (AN: I have nothing against homosexuals by the way so please don't take it the wrong way)

"Actually you have two queers…Takeda-san and the obvious one" Shinpachi retorted as everyone turned to face a fuming Heisuke.

"I'M NOT LIKE THAT DAMN IT!"

"Sure you are…that's what they all say…" Shinpachi stated with a sly grin

"SHINPACHI YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Hey…it's not my fault that you grew up like that"

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD! IT'S GO TIME!" Heisuke yelled as he grabbed one of Kondou's brushes and whacked Shinpachi

Okita Soji giggled as he observed the hilarity that occurred right before his eyes, "You should always count on those two to lighten up the mood ne Hijikata?"

Hijikata only twitched more

"OUCH! THAT'S IT" Shinpachi in return grabbed hold of a brush and whacked Heisuke, "PREPARE TO DIE YOU BASTARD"

"SURE, LIKE A BRUSH WILL KILL ME" Heisuke scoffed

"YOU SHOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF THE BRUSH…BE AFRAID OF ME…BE VERY AFRAID OF ME" Shinpachi declared, his eyes glinting of malice

"Um…shouldn't anyone stop them?" Tatsu commented sheepishly

"Shut it _Tatsuki_, I wanna see who wins!" Tetsu cheered

"THINK FAST HEISUKE! OH WAIT NEVER MIND…I FORGOT YOU LOST YOUR BRAIN AT THE RAID AT IKEDA-YA" Shinpachi said slyly (AN: Remember peacemaker episode 23 and when Heisuke was stabbed in the forehead)

"SHUT IT!"

"STOP IT YOU IDIOTS OR YOU'LL BOTH BE COMMITTING SEPPUKU" Hijikata snarled causing the two to drop their mock weapons, "Kondou, play your part and help me run these ahous"

Kondou who had been amused by his fighting captains stifled a laugh, "Well, I suppose we better go pay our _special _captain a visit" Kondou announced as he got up from his position.

Kondou and his _"nieces"_ then made their way to the said captain's quarters, apparently as they walked through the training hall they were met by curious stares and whispers from the men.

"_The one with long hair, doesn't she look beautiful?" _The men whispered, apparently regarding to Hijikata who twitched madly

"_The quiet one, the one who looks like Ayu-nee, I think she's divine" _Susumu cringed and nearly gagged being that his own comrades where checking him out

"_The one with sleepy eyes…she looks oddly familiar" _One soldier commented, _"I hate the quiet types" _His friend responded

"Did you say something...about the quiet types?" Saitou said as he without warning came face to face with the men

"Weren't you…weren't you…weren't you just…"

"I travel fast" The captain replied as he continued walking

"_The short one is cute too"_

"_Which one there are two"_

Tetsu snickered as Shinpachi tried his best to calm down and not kill the man, "I'm not short…damn those ahous…"

"Don't mind us boys, my nieces and I are just passing" Kondou said with a smile

"Kondou-taichou you're nieces are beautiful!" One soldier said with a grin

"Thank the heavens for blessing me with angel like nieces" Kondou said as he played along with the act

"Are any of them married? Or seeing anyone?" One soldier called out

"No, but sadly they won't be staying long" The men groaned sadly as they resumed training

Finally escaping the hell which was the training hall the men found themselves sighing heavily.

"That was close, thank goodness no one recognized us" Tetsu stated

"Just be lucky those men weren't paying too much attention of what you were wearing" Kondou said, "You look like cross-dressers as of now" he added apparently stating the fact that they were sill in their male clothes.

"Oh shit! That was close!" Sano exclaimed

Finally reaching the quarters of said captain Takeda Kanryusai; Kondou Isami and his "nieces" carefully slid the shoji doors, opening just enough to peer in. To their horror, Takeda who had been rumored to be a queer was indeed one for right before their very eyes the said captain had appeared to be putting on powder and lip reddening.

"Oh" Soji gasped

"My" Tetsu gaped

"Bakufu" Susumu said eyes wide

"He is a queer" Sano whispered, "The rumors were right"

"He's wearing my female disguise!" Susumu exclaimed, his voice shocked and angered at the same time, "It took me weeks to put that thing together!"

"I thought pervert man was crazy but you…you're insane" Tetsu scoffed

The rest looked at Susumu with "what the hell" faces

"Well Isami, what do we do now?" Hijikata asked with a sigh, "Apparently we've raised a **stray** here"

"Takeda-san, if he were like this…why was he not honest?" Soji asked his voice hinting sadness

"Who would be honest…it is a disgrace…and to think he is a samurai…and a Shinsengumi for Kami's sake!"

"Kondou-san…what are you going to do?"

"There's only one thing to do" With that said Kondou swiftly opened the shoji doors, startling the unaware Takeda. The look on the poor captain's face had been a look of terror and shame.

"Taichou…I…I…" Takeda stammered, trying his best to think of a way out, "I was…I was…I was just…" seeing that explaining things were futile the captain dropped the charade and bowed his head in embarrassment.

"Takeda-san…what has become of you…"

The said captain could not even look at his commander straight in the eyes, "I have disgraced you…forgive me…"

**End of Chapter...**

**I didn't want to end this chapter at such a sad note but I'll save the other parts for the next chapter, first things first I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a bit serious than the others and just to let you readers know I felt bad for Takeda-san when writing this chapter but in reality if you've read about his biography the man is a treacherous snake. Anyways thank you for reading and as I said and will say again because I love ya guys so much; read and review my story okay? **

** PREVIEW FOR CHAPTER IX**

_"Kondou-taichou...I ask for...forgiveness..."_

_"I also came here to ask something of you..."_

_"Who are these women?"_

_"My nieces"_

Next chapter, Takeda's secrets come out, Kondou and his "nieces" ask a favor from Takeda more trouble lurks ahead


	9. Unwanted Information

**Author's notes:**

First of all I apologize for the delay but I had school work and after school activities to do and it didn't give me much time to think of ideas for my next chapters but now that I have a week off from school I can finally sit and write in peace. Anyways, I just thought of another funny plot for my new Peacemaker story which will be posted up once I'm done with this one and I hope you guys will go and read it as well.

I have to let you guys know that I didn't get any inspiration while writing this chapter (I had writer's block and I just couldn't think of anything to write) so if its not so good as you hoped it would I'm very sorry, but on the plus side I'm posting um I think 2 chapters for you since I made you guys wait and all. Beware this chapter is…lets just say awkward and weird. (I couldn't think of anything else so thus this is what came out...a chapter filled with weirdness)

So read and review!

**Chapter IX**

**Unwanted Information**

Takeda Kanryusai froze; there before him stood his commanding officer; a stern unreadable look plastered on his old face. The young captain opened his trembling mouth to speak but was immediately cut off.

"Kondou-san…um…this isn't what it looks like…" Takeda stuttered

"HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE THE SHINSENGUMI!" Hijikata snarled through gritted teeth

Takeda who had no clue as to who the angered woman was looked on with a baffled look on his face, "Please don't yell at me like that miss…"

"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN INSOLENT SWINE, HIDING AMONGST **TRUE **MEN, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?" Hijikata continued his eyes glinting with malice

"I…I…I beg your pardon?" Takeda stammered, apparently not used to mysterious women accusing him.

Kondou sighed as he put a hand on his vice-commander's shoulder, _"Don't blow your cover now Toshimi-chan"_ Kondou whispered softly causing Hijikata to realize the mistake and ease up a bit.

"Hai" He muttered softly

Kondou turned to face the bewildered Takeda, "Takeda-san, I hope you'll find it in you to forgive my niece. She isn't used to seeing…um…um…you know what I'm implying right." He said with a grin.

"Sir…it's not what you think…I was…I was…" Takeda thought hard, thought hard of any excuse he could possibly come up with to cover up his unusual predicament but sadly he knew it was useless.

"No need to explain yourself, if you as the rumors say are indeed a queer then I supposed that is what it should be"

"But sir, I am **not** a queer!" Takeda protested, "Let me explain…please!"

"You're telling us that you're not a queer? Look at yourself for kami's sake" Shinpachi stated coldly, "You're in women's clothes and you have make-up on, what more could you ask for?"

"No, it's not what you think…I was just…I was just…"

"You were just doing what? Rehearsing for a kabuki show?" Heisuke scoffed (AN: Kabuki was a theater performance and since women were banned from theater males often played the parts of women)

"Um…Yes…" Takeda said not knowing what else to say

"Let it go Takeda-san…this issue is futile" Kondou said

"Alright…I admit it…I am a queer" Takeda began, his head bent low in shame

"Now that's a shocker" Tetsu whispered sarcastically to his brother who slapped him in the head, "What the hell was that for?"

"Be considerate to the man, jeez sometimes you can be such an ass" Tatsu hissed

"_He's an ass all the time"_ Susumu muttered to himself

"I beg for forgiveness Kondou-san…."

"How long have you been…um…like this?" Kondou asked, apparently uncomfortable with the situation.

"Perhaps for over a year now…it began as a silly infatuation with a certain captain but I soon found my feelings to be real and then I began to question my identity and the next thing I knew I…I…I'm a queer after all"

The room fell silent as heads turned to look at one another uneasily, thoughts suddenly ran through everyone's head as to who Takeda could have fancied.

"_Oh great, the queer has an unusual liking to a certain captain…oh shit does a vice-commander count? Wait, he said captain so it's not me…thank the heavens for that...ha ha ha...its good to be in power" _Hijikata thought

"_Holy shit, did he just say that he was infatuated by a certain captain?" _Sano asked himself, _"Does he like the rugged types? Because…oh man…I'm the rugged type!"_

"_Oh great, just great, lady-boy over here has a crush on a certain captain, the question now is who the hell did he have the hots for?"_ Shinpachi thought

"_I'm not a captain so I'm excused from this situation…kami-sama thank you...at least I wont have to endure another Mayuya like character__" _Susumu sighed happily

"_Thank the heavens I'm just a bookkeeper, just the thought of having a grown man checking you out in secret is just plain creepy" _Tatsu thought with a shudder

"_I bet he has the hots for Okita-san, he is after all the most effeminate and sexiest of all the captains" _Tetsu thought, _"Oh crap! Did I just call Okita-san sexy…ahhh! Am I a queer in making too?"_

"_Uh-oh, Could that captain be me? Dear Kami please let it not be me" _Okita prayed mentally, _"I have nothing against their kind but…but…ahhhh...okay I admit after knowing I had a look alike who was a queer I've gone ballistic over the idea" _Okita began to panic, which was unusual for the calm and cheery captain.

Heisuke turned to face the 1st division captain before retreating to his own thoughts, _"I bet he was checking me out…or maybe it was Okita…sure he's adorable with child like features but when you think about it when it comes to **sexier** features, Heisuke takes the cake" _Heisuke thought, a smile gracing his lips.

Shinpachi noticing the stupid grin plastered on his friends face gave a deep sigh, _"That idiot is day dreaming again and I bet he thinks Takeda was checking him out…what a moron"_

Noticing the silent and in thought expressions his men had on their faces, Kondou coughed loudly to bring back their attention to their current situation.

"So you have an unusual fancy towards a certain captain eh? Um…may I know who it is?" Kondou asked, mentally slapping himself for even encouraging the idea.

"_What the hell are you doing Isami? You're encouraging this treacherous act!" _Kondou thought

Takeda was quite taken back by his commander's sudden interest that he couldn't help but blush madly, "Kondou-san, when you're being sincere like this it makes me feel accepted and loved" Takeda said with an all too sweet smile.

Kondou smiled sheepishly, "So may I know the captain's name?"

"_There I go again…someone kill me now"_

"Well, can I entrust you and these…um…women…to not tell anyone?" Takeda asked curiously as he looked at his commander and the women he was with

"Rest assured, you're secret is safe with us and besides these are my nieces, they shall keep your secret forever" Kondou said with a fake grin

"HE'S RIGHT SO SPILL IT ALREADY YOU DAMN QUEER!" Heisuke demanded impatiently earning him a beating from Sano and Shinpachi and yes even Hijikata joined in on the beating.

"Shut it before I crush you're _womanly_ head with my _womanly_ hands!" Shinpachi hissed

"How are you going to do that…you're hands are way too small, Shina"

"Takeda-san just continue before you'll give me an excuse to murder someone" Shinpachi said through gritted teeth as he tightened his hold on Heisuke's neck.

"Um….sure thing….well, I've took a fancy for…for…um…"

The "girls" hovered around Takeda, waiting for his answer…the dreaded reply the captains did not want to hear.

"I've fancied him for a while…he's quite charming"

"You heard that…he said charming" Tetsu teased knowing that he wasn't a possible candidate

"He's sweet"

"You heard that…he said sweet"

"He's funny…in his own ways"

"You heard that…he said funny…in his own ways"

"_Tetsuna-chan_ if you don't shut up anytime I'll make sure a slow and painful death will await you" Shinpachi snarled

"He's quite shy but I know deep inside he is a man of great potential"

"Just what the hell does "he's a man of great potential mean"? It's starting to sound too...um…weird" Sano whispered to Shinpachi who agreed

"Basically there are a lot of ways to describe him…"

"CUT THE CRAP AND TELL US ALREADY!" Heisuke demanded impatiently

"Fine, fine…I have fancied…none other than…the 3rd division captain Saitou Hajime"

Everyone in the room turned to face Saitou, who as you know was in his female form. The 3rd division captain literally froze as his prayer beads hit the floor. Heisuke had seemed to be the only one who was quite disappointed.

"You…you…you've took a fancy on Hajime?" Shinpachi stuttered, apparently speechless

"Yes I have" Takeda said proudly and quite creepily

Everyone slowly backed away from him

"AND NOT HEISUKE TODOU! THE GALLANT MAN WHO ENTICES EVERYONE" Heisuke stated angrily

"Todou-kun is a man of great stature and I think he's somewhat like me in a sense"

"That part you're right" Tetsu snickered

"But…But…he's…he's…Hajime!" Sano protested apparently flabbergasted by the sudden news

"HE'S NO HEISUKE TODOU!" Heisuke demanded, "HE'S NOT CUTE, ADORABLE OR LOVABLE!"

"You do know that you just described a house pet right?" Shinpachi asked, "Typical idiot"

"Indeed he may not be any of those but he is strong and mysterious…and that's what I fancy most…" Takeda smiled and yes the smile was creepy. Creepy enough that it made Yoshida's face look like a field of flowers.

"HE'S NOT ME…I MEAN HEISUKE DAMN IT!"

"Give it up will you?" Shinpachi hissed

"That's right, despite being a man of silence he seems to be very attractive and the more mysterious he is the more my heart pours out to him" Takeda declared proudly as if it were a normal thing to do

Hijikata twitched madly, _"Oh great, just great not only am I commanding a queer but he's in love with the ahou who says he can see spirits." _

"Saitou-san are you…are you alright?" Susumu whispered to the silent captain beside him

"I'm in prayer…don't bother me…" The said captain replied in his usual bored manner

"_I wonder what he's praying about"_ Tetsu asked curiously

"_He's probably praying for a way out"_ Tatsu replied in hushed whispered, _"Poor fellow, I mean if I were the one being fancied by a weirdo I'd be in prayer too"_

"_Maybe he's praying for Kami-sama to kill him" _Shinpachi added softly

"Actually, I'm praying to remain a woman forever, this way Takeda can go find someone else to fancy for a change"

Everyone sweat dropped

"Takeda-san you do know that…that…that your display of affection is treason right?" Kondou stated

"I do and that is what pains me the most" Takeda said with watery eyes

"_Oh great now he's going to cry and say some useless sob story that I don't give a crap about" _Hijikata thought coldly

"Being that this is the Shinsengumi, Kyoto's toughest police force; and being that you have openly confessed that you are um…a queer and…apparently has taken a fancy towards a fellow captain I have no choice but to rip you off your title as captain" Kondou said simply

Takeda had a sad look on his face but he knew very well that this was the consequence he would have to face, "Is there another way…I don't…I don't want to leave"

"YOU CAN COMMIT SEPPUKU AND GET IT OVER WITH!" Hijikata declared quite excitedly, "GET A KATANA AND LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH!"

"Um…Um…what my niece means is that leaving the Shinsengumi is the only way aside from committing seppuku and I'm certain that you wouldn't want to do that right?" Kondou said eyeing Hijikata

"That's not what I meant Isami…what I meant was…" Before the demon vice chief could finish Okita had plastered his hand over his mouth to keep him from talking

"Toshimi-chan…she's just…she's just…um…just don't get the wrong idea about her she's just…um…she's just…um" Okita began nervously

"She's just deranged" Tetsu chimed in earning him a murderous look from his master, "I mean…she's only deranged when it comes to seppuku…she likes the whole belly cutting thing" Tetsu covered up

Everyone looked at him with "what the hell did you say" expressions on their faces

"Toshimi-chan wanted to be a butcher" Tetsu added

"A butcher?" Shinpachi asked, "I thought we were talking about seppuku here!"

"Um yeah…that's why she likes…cutting stuff…" Tetsu added as he slapped his forehead silly

"_Tetsuna-chan_…I'll have you know I do not have an unusual fascination for belly cutting!" Hijikata stated through gritted teeth

"Don't blame me it was all I could think of"

"Shut it Tetsuna before I'll end up butchering you!" Hijikata barked

"Got it chief…I mean…um…Toshimi-chan"

"As of now Takeda-san you can remain here in the Shinsengumi but apparently you'll have to keep your secret a secret is that understood?"

"Yes Kondou-san"

"I cannot have any of the men find out that you're um…um…different…"

"I understand clearly sir"

"Well, now that that issue is settled I've come to ask something of you"

"Um…what is it sir?"

"Well, my nieces…they'll be staying in town for a while and I was hoping if you had any kimonos to spare"

A wide smile soon graced Takeda's face, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?" Takeda asked excitedly as he approached Kondou's nieces, the _girls _quickly _backed_ away

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Shinpachi asked

"He's looking at us weirdly" Sano announced

"If that bastard tried to pull of some stunt he's dead!" Heisuke said

"I've always wanted to test out my new designs and now I have just the right girls for them!" Takeda announced with a hearty laugh, "I am going to transform you from manly to gorgeous!"

And thus Takeda's mission began…the mission to beautify his latest clients…but what he doesn't know is that his new clients are actually his fellow Shinsengumi.

**Alright first things first...this story is weird and I have to admit I wasn't fond of this chapter, okay I was fond a little but only by the mean comments I made Shinpachi say. Anyways yes Takeda is a queer and he likes Saitou, poor Saitou. You know what's funny, in real life when Takeda decided to betray the Shinsengumi he was murdered by an assassin...and guess who that assassin was...yep his lovey Saitou...lol...ok they're not lovers in real life but in my story they're not either. Anyways read and review and once again sorry for the delay and yes I'll try to think up of more ideas**


	10. It never ends!

**Author's notes:**

Hello everyone, once again I apologize for the long delay I actually had two versions of this chapter but I decided to revise it at the last minute so that's why it took some time. Anyways, in this chapter our _girls _get into yet again another bad situation and yes you've guessed it, it's all Heisuke's fault. Please read and review!

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own peacemaker kurogane...

**Chapter X**

**It never ends**

Takeda Kanryusai smiled happily at his finished creation; he had made his new clients don on kimonos of different colors ranging from the depressing black to cheery yellow.

"Well Kondou-san, what do you think?" Takeda asked with a smile

Kondou observed his "nieces" with great precision and suddenly burst out in fits of laughter, Takeda looked on with a dumbfounded expression.

_"How amazing is it that even the manliest of men could actually pass as a woman!"_ Kondou thought happily

The _girls _looked at one another and then to their laughing captain who was now holding his sides

"_He better not be laughing at us"_ Hijikata whispered as he twitched angrily

"_Maybe he's laughing at Heisuke"_ Shinpachi retorted smugly

"_Shut it Shina…don't give me an excuse to rip you and your kimono to pieces!" _Heisuke replied deviously

"You hate it don't you" Takeda implied dramatically as he hung his head in woe

"Of course not…they look radiant Takeda-san and I couldn't be happier"

The queer of a captain let out a relieved sigh, "Beautiful dresses for the commander's beautiful nieces" Takeda said with a smile

"_Are you sure this guy's a queer? He doesn't seem to act like one" _Tetsu whispered

"_Baka, of course he's a queer just what guy in their right mind would make women's kimonos as a hobby" _Shinpachi retorted

The two then turned to look at the stoic shinobi, Susumu who was now twitching. "For kami's sake I did not make those kimono, I borrowed them damn it!"

"Sure you did…Sumi-chan" Tetsu grinned

"Don't make me squash you...you chibi"

Seeing that everything was set and perfect and that his nieces were now well disguised Kondou excused himself from the eccentric captain.

"Well my nieces and I must go and once again thank you for your assistance"

"Thank you sir" The _girls _said as cheerfully as they could, except for Hijikata who had a fake smile plastered on his face

"_Smile and be grateful Toshimi-chan" _Soji whispered as he nudged his friend

"_I am…I am…" _Hijikata snarled

Takeda noticing the wonders he had just created bowed appreciatively, "The pleasure is all mine ladies…and Kondou-san, I appreciate the fact that you're letting me stay despite…despite the fact I…I am...you know...my situation..."

"It will just be for the mean time…due to the fact the Shinsengumi is a corps of killers I cannot have a **_stray_** live under our roof" Kondou said softly as he turned his back on the sulking captain

"I understand…completely…and I respect your rules"

"Don't take it the wrong way Takeda-san…but…but during times of war we can't afford a scandal…Lord Matusdaira and the Bakufu expect us to be a corps of great men and a corps of great men we shall be...thank you for helping us once again"

With that said Kondou and his nieces departed the eccentric captain's quarters

"That was rather rude wasn't it?" Soji asked sadly, "He may be different but...but...he is still a samurai"

"It cannot be helped…don't show any remorse for him, he's a disgrace" Hijikata said coldly

"Hijikata-san, he may be different but don't forget he's helped us a lot"

"Making kimonos for us while we're in this strange predicament does not count as help" Hijikata replied as he quickened his pace

"Takeda-san is human and as a human being he has faults and flaws…the least we can do is respect him" Soji muttered to himself sadly

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I demand to speak with the commander!" A young woman said angrily, trying her best to get through the guards

"The commander is busy miss, try talking to him later" The guard said as he struggled to keep her out of the compounds

"I don't give a damn whether he's busy or not, he and his men have a debt to pay!"

"I'll make sure to tell him that" One of the guards said

"Bastards, I want to speak to him face to face and I want to speak to him now!" The woman demanded

"What's going on here?"

Both guards upon recognizing the commanding voice halted and stood at attention, letting the young woman drop on the floor with a thud.

"Careful damn it, I'm a woman!"

"Sir, this woman wishes to speak with you but I told her you were busy and should…" The soldier was cut off

"May I ask the purpose of your visit?" Kondou asked kindly

"Yeah, I've come to collect the payment you imbeciles forgot to pay"

"Payment? I do not recall owing such payment"

"Don't play dumb with me, you and your men may be Kyoto's protectors but that doesn't give you the damn right to just barge in our inn, eat and drink our food, trash it when you're drunk and just leave without paying!"

"And just what inn are you talking about?" Hijikata stepped in

"The red dragon inn at Shimabara, I manage that inn and it seems that those good for nothing men of yours took advantage of us. Those bastards had the audacity to drink up all of our fine sake and just leave without paying"

"_The red dragon inn eh? Isn't that the inn we visited for Tatsu's party?" _Shinpachi whispered questioningly at his giant friend

"_Sure is…but…but why the hell did she say we didn't pay, didn't Heisuke say…"_

Heisuke who had been listening closely started slinking away, but sadly he soon found himself trapped between Sano and Shinpachi.

"_You had something to do with this don't you?_" Shinpachi snarled

"_Um…well…maybe…"_

"_AHHHHH!!!! IT NEVER ENDS!!!!"_ Sano growled

"_Just what the hell did you do this time?" _Shinpachi asked with an exasperated sigh

"_Well…do you want the short version or the long version?" _Heisuke asked sheepishly

_"I suggest you drop the jokes...my hands are itching to kill" _Shinpachi stated

_"FINE! FINE!"_

Kondou sighed heavily, the last thing he needed was trouble and right now he had a lot of troublesome load on his shoulders.

"Miss…um…what was your name again?"

"Miss Yakamura"

"Miss Yakamura, just how much do we owe you?" Kondou asked with a heavy sigh

"Let's just say you owe us twice as much as what you owe the Sakura pavilion" Miss Yakamura said with a grin, "They let you get off easy but I'm not like them, when I demand for money I demand for money!"

"_What a feisty woman" _Tetsu implied

"_Just pray she's not the violent types" _Tatsu added as he backed away

"Well, Kondou-san…are you going to pay me or not?" Miss Yakamura asked coldly

Kondou knowing that the money he currently had wasn't enough looked at his men with a desperate "help me" look on his face, not the look you'd expect from the father of the mibu wolves.

"I…well…I don't have the money" Kondou stated simply

Miss Yakamura twitched angrily, "You…you…you don't have the money?!?" She screeched

"Yes"

"You and your men owe us big time and if you can't come up with the money you better come up with a better payment!"

"But…but…"

"No buts'…I'll be back to get my payment and if its still not here…I'm reporting you to the officials!"

"Honey **we** are the officials" Hijikata said smugly

Miss Yakamura looked at him with a dumbfounded look, "What was that?"

"Um…what my…what my friend means is that…my uncle…he's the official" Soji corrected right away before the angry woman got suspicious

Her expression softened, "Whatever…I'll be back later and I better get a payment by then"

With that said Miss Yakamura stormed off back to Shimabara, "DON'T FORGET YOU BASTARDS!"

"Well…got any plans on how to pay her?" Kondou asked as he looked at each of his "men"

"Kondou-san I think there is something you need to hear" Shinpach stated as he pushed Heisuke towards the captain

"Um...hi..."

Hijikata snarled angrily as he grabbed the poor captain by the collar, "ITS YOUR FAULT ISN'T IT!"

"Well...technically...um...yeah..."

"DAMN IT! IT NEVER ENDS!" Tetsu screamed

"I say we kill him...we turned into women because of him and now we're in this mess because of him" Shinpachi said angrily

"Todou...you have five seconds to tell me how the hell we're in debt"

"Well...it all began..."

**End of chapter**

**Cliffhanger! Well, well...so this is the end of the chapter and once again read and review!!! Sorry for the long update but I thought that ebcause I have a week off I'd have time to sit and write but sadly writer's block has prevented me from doing so. I'll try to write some more but I have an english paper to do and yeah it counts as a major grade, so I'll work on that ASAP and then I'll finish this...yey!!!!**

** Chapter XI PREVIEW**

_"Heisuke did what?"_

_"So how are we going to pay them"_

_"There's no way I''m doing that!"_

Tune in next chapter...the boys find themselves in yet again another horrible situation...and it seems like there's only one way to correct this...


	11. No choice

**Author's notes:**

Hello everyone, how's your weekend? Mine is alright so far, thankfully I managed to finish all my homework...okay not all of them since I have an english paper to work on but I shall work on that later on. Anyways want to know something? I was so bored yesterday that I decided to paint my nails purple...and here's the good part...if you watch naruto you may be familiar with the Akatsuki and how they paint their nails purple. Yup I pretended I was an Akatsuki member, go me! I even put on my naruto headband...I'm such a dork. Anyways here's chapter XI of my story and I've been thinking of a title change so tell me if you like the title or want it changed...Read and Review okay???

**Discalaimer:**

Voices...those voices...LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane...you happy now???? (um...yeah...weird right?)

**Chapter XI**

**No choice**

Heisuke smiled sheepishly at the crowd of angry faces that hovered around him, once again he had been the source of the problem and this time there was no way talking himself out of the situation. Not even the saintly Tatsunosuke wanted to save the poor captain, for he too was enraged by yet again another loop hole in their situation.

"Um…well it all began…" Heisuke started but was soon rudely cut off by an enraged demon vice commander

"Just what the hell happened to the money we gave you?" Hijikata asked furiously, "Despite my regrets towards it we set aside some funds to pay for Ichimura's party, so tell me where in the world the money went?"

"I was getting to it…patience my dear…patience"

"I'm running out of patience Todou and you know what happens to those who test my patience"

Heisuke gulped, "Okay, I know I was in charge of the money and I was supposed to use it to pay for Tatsu's birthday party but I had some minor complications along the way"

"What kind of complications?" Shinpachi eyed him menacingly

"Well, along the way to Shimabara I met this girl…"

The crowd around him groaned, "YOU ASS! YOU SPENT THE MONEY ON HER DIDN'T YOU?" Shinpachi screeched

"Let me finish damn it! Anyways she was really beautiful and she seemed kind of sad so I went to her and we started talking and well the next thing I knew I was on a date with her" Heisuke smiled sheepishly

"So you used the money that **we** gave you to pay for **your** date?" Hijikata asked through gritted teeth

"Well yeah, but here's the good part to it; when I got to the red dragon inn there was this cute hostess…"

"ANOTHER WOMAN?" Shinpachi screeched, his tone now deadly

"Heisuke we need to put you on house arrest, you're a freaking menace when it comes to women" Sano stated simply

Heisuke grinned stupidly, "I know" He replied smugly

"So what happened next?"

"Well, she was really cute and knowing that no one could resist the gallant Todou Heisuke I kind of bribed her"

"What kind of bribe?"

"Well, I told her about Tatsu's party and us needing a room and I told her about my dilemma with the cash shortage, well basically I told her in exchange for the room and food I'd take her out to dinner but…"

"But…but…but what? Spill it out freak!" Tetsu demanded

"But it turns out she didn't want to go out on a date with me, she wanted to go out on a date with…with…"

"Why do I have a feeling this idiot sold one of us cheap?" Susumu whispered softly

"I bet he'd sell us anytime" Tetsu said as he cracked his knuckles, "That bastard's going to see death soon"

"Well Todou-kun, who did the young miss want to go with instead?" Kondou asked softly

"Well, she wanted a date with…with…with Soji"

Everyone twitched angrily, "Y-you…YOU SOLD OUT CHEAP!" Shinpachi was now in death mode

"Hey, we needed the room and so the deal was the only way and besides she really likes Soji and she said when she gets her date with him she'll do all the paying"

"YOU SOLD OKITA-SAN FOR A LOUSY ROOM! YOU SICKEN ME!" Tetsu said angrily

"Heisuke you're an idiot…oh wait idiot is too good for you, Heisuke you're a low life" Shinpachi said coldly

"Oddly…I'm okay with that"

Everyone slapped their foreheads with dismay

"Well seeing that you're little bribe didn't work its back to round one with us" Hijikata stated with a sigh, "Todou…this better be the last mistake you make…one more wrong and I'll make it right by killing you"

Heisuke nodded, "Y-you got it sir!"

"So anyone here got any plans how to solve this issue?" Hijikata asked stressing on the word issue as he eyed the whimpering captain menacingly

"Well, we do what we always do" Kondou said with a smile

"And what would that be?"

"We stall"

Afternoon had come so quickly, and Kondou and his "nieces" soon found themselves once again face to face with the feisty manager of the Red Dragon inn. The room was silent, silent enough that you could hear a pin drop.

"_We do what we always do"_

"_And what would that be?"_

"_We stall…get her mind off the debt…"_

Their commander's words rang in their heads as everyone smiled sheepishly at the stoic manager

"Um…would the beautiful lady like some tea?" Heisuke offered

"Trying to get on my good side won't work, if you think I'll just drop the debt you imbeciles owe fat chance…"

"_Shit, she's on to us" _Heisuke thought

"…but I would like some tea" Miss Yakamura smiled politely as she handed him her cup

Heisuke poured the tea, his hands shaking causing the tea to land everywhere.

"Um…Hisaki-chan do you need some help?" Shinpachi offered through gritted teeth, "You have to excuse her, she's not a very bright girl" he added with a smirk

"Shina-chan, you shouldn't be talking" Heisuke replied angrily

Miss Yakamura rolled her eyes, "On second thought, forget the tea…you pour tea like a man"

"A man? Now why in the world would you say that, I'm a man? I mean if I were a man I wouldn't have such beautiful hair, such shapely body, such…" Heisuke began nervously

"Um…Hisaki, we don't really need to know what assets you have and no man doesn't" Shinpachi snarled

Miss Yakamura eyed the two suspiciously, "Drop my last comment and let's just get down to business"

"Funny you should mention business; um…Tatsuki-chan is into business" Sano added sheepishly, once again stalling

Tatsunosuke who realized that he was now the topic of the conversation smiled sheepishly, "Oh yes, I know a thing or two about business…I am a bookkeeper…I mean…my…um…my boyfriend is a bookkeeper"

The crowd around him tried to stifle their up coming laughs

"That's right, my sister has the cutest boyfriend ever…he's in bookkeeping" Tetsu added jokingly as the others broke into fits of laughter

Miss Yakamura now aggravated twitched madly, "That's…um…very nice…so without further interruptions I'd like to go back to business"

"_Such a persistent woman!" _Heisuke whispered harshly

"_Quick think of something to get her mind off the subject"_ Shinpachi said

"_Women love to cry…think of something sad!" _Heisuke stated

Sano's eyes lit up, _"I got it!"_

"Well…let's get down to business…"

"Um…Tatsuki-chan's boyfriend died…" Sano said out of the blue earning him "what the hell" expressions from his comrades

"Um…yeah…Tatsuki-chan…her boyfriend…her love…her reason of living…he died…so sad" Shinpachi added sheepishly

"It was a tragic fate, he loved his business so much he was willing to die for it" Sano added once again to prolong the moment

"I'm very sorry to hear that…um…how did he die?"

"_Jackpot! I told you women love to cry" _Heisuke said as he slapped a low five to Shinpachi

"_For once you didn't screw up, I'm proud of you freak boy"_

"_Thanks…hey…"_

Sano who had now captured the attention of the stoic manager began his tragic "tale", "Well he was a bookkeeper in the Shinsengumi…" mock tears falling from his eyes

"MY SISTER LOVED HIM SO MUCH!!!" Tetsu began crying wildly

The rest taking their queue began to act as if they were in grieving, even the silent 3rd division captain started to pretend he was in prayer or was he?

"Oh my…did he…did he…did he die in battle?" Miss Yakamura asked sadly, her voice hinting concern and curiosity

Sano sniffed, "No…he…he died…he died a much tragic fate…"

"_What could be more tragic than dying in battle?" _Shinpachi whispered

"_Beats me, hopefully giant boy over there won't mess this up"_

Miss Yakamura who now felt her eyes watering looked on with concern, "Was it seppuku?" she asked sadly

Sano sniffed once again, "No, it was much more tragic…he…he was working one night when…"

"Yes…when what…what happened?"

Kondou and Hijikata who had been observing the scene smiled

"_Looks like your plan of stalling worked Isami"_

"_When you can't do anything else, you stall."_

"Well…well…he was working one night, when…when…when a stack of papers collapsed and killed him"

Miss Yakamura now twitched, "He died because of a stack of papers?" She asked sarcastically

Hijikata now twitched; the plan of stalling had gone so perfectly well that was until the idiot made up the lamest reason of death.

"Um…well…um…the papers were heavy, extremely heavy that it crushed the bit of life in him…tragic…so very tragic"

"MY SISTER LOVED HIM SO MUCH!!!" Tetsu screeched out of the blue

"Well…that's an odd way to die…" Miss Yakamura stated

"Indeed it may have been odd, but he died like a samurai…" Sano said proudly his eyes streaming with fake tears

"How could he die like a samurai, he was crushed by a stack of papers. That has got to be the worst case of dying" Miss Yakamura retorted smugly

"MY SISTER LOVED HIM SO MUCH!!!!"

"WE GET IT ALREADY!" Susumu said as he slapped the poor page upside the head

"He died like a samurai because…um…because…um…he died with his work! He loved his work so much he died by it!"

Miss Yakamura was now seething with rage, "ENOUGH! I came here to collect your debt but so far all that we've been doing is chat like a bunch of old ladies…WHERE THE HELL IS MY MONEY!!!!"

Everyone backed away, Miss Yakamura was now furious; the same kind of furious state that no man would dare cross.

"Um…Tatsuki-chan had a boyfriend…and he….he loved money…" Sano once again tried his best to stall

"I thought you said her boyfriend died, crushed by a stack of freaking papers which by the way wouldn't even kill you no matter how heavy!" Miss Yakamura said with rage

"Um…Tatsuki-chan had lots of boyfriends…she…she's quite the popular one…" Shinpachi added with a grin

"MY SISTER LOVED THEM ALL VERY MUCH!!!!" Tetsu added

"You're sister's a whore" Miss Yakamura said coldly as she turned to the commander

Tatsu upon hearing this nearly fainted, "She…she…she called…she called…she called me…" Tatsu stuttered

"Relax…breathe in…breathe out…that's it…now push, push all the troubles away" Tetsu said comfortingly

"I'M NOT PREGNANT DAMN IT!" The bookkeeper screeched

"Hey, I always see Hijikata do that little trick when he goes on demon mode"

Miss Yakamura now started angrily at the commander; she had had enough of their little antics.

"Well, did you guys manage to cough up the money you owe me?" Miss Yakamura said with a grin plastered on her face, an utter sign that she was the victor.

"Well…um…yes…we have some of the money…" Kondou stated with a smile

"By **some** of the money, you mean you don't have it all. Am I correct in this assumption commander?"

"Um…yes…"

"Just as I thought" Miss Yakamura bent her head low, trying her best to hide her malicious grin.

"_Maybe she'll leave us alone" _Hijikata whispered to his commander

"_No chance of that Toshimi-chan, she seems very determined" _Kondou replied in hushed whispers

"_Isami, didn't I tell you not to call me that infernal name?"_

"_You don't want to blow your cover now, would you?"_

"Well seeing that you don't even have a cent of the money you owe me, then here's my proposal…"

"_Don't agree to anything until I think this over" _Hijikata whispered harshly

"_Relax, proposals are my expertise"_ Kondou whispered back, "Well Miss Yakamura, I'm willing to hear out your proposal"

"Since you seem to lack the money I so need, I have no choice but to take a few things of your procession in order to pay off the debt" Miss Yakamura started with a sly grin

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Hijikata now enraged by the woman's audacity spoke up

"Um…um…please excuse my niece, she's…she's explosive"

"Explosive? I'M NOT A CANON!"

"You see what I mean?" Kondou said sheepishly

"Yes and I don't care, back to business; I wish to take a few belongings from you and relax demon girl, I won't take any material possessions from your uncle" Miss Yakamura said with a smile

"What…what did you have in mind?" Hijikata asked now regaining his composure

"Well…I've been thinking about it and yes it's the only way…"

Hijikata did not like the sound of her tone, he did not like it one bit.

"CUT THE CHASE LADY AND TELL US WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT!"

"Well…I want you…"

The room gasped and stared at each other with disbelief

_"Wow even if he's a woman he's still irresistable"_

_"I hate him...he still gets the girls even if he is one"_

_"No matter what happens the women still flock to Hijikata"_

Hijikata who had been listening on his comrades conversation twitched angrily, "I'm sorry but I don't...I'm...I'm not **like** that" He said stressing on the word "like"

Miss Yakamura who understood what he meant grinned slyly, "You didn't let me finish…I was about to say that I want you and you're girl friends to come and work for me"

The room gasped once again, "And for your information...I'm not **like** that either" she replied with a grin

"BUT YOU WORK AT SHIMABARA!" Kondou said, a hint of worry in his voice

"Yes I do and since I'm short on helpers I guess you girls would do" Miss Yakamura smiled, an evil smile.

"THERE IS NO WAY I'M WORKING AT A WHORE HOUSE!" Hijikata snarled

"Too bad…since this is the only way to pay your debt you have no choice"

Kondou sighed heavily; this was going to be a really bad problem. First of all his "nieces" were not nieces to begin with, they were his men who had been transformed into women!

"So do we have an agreement commander?" Miss Yakamura asked sweetly

"My nieces…my nieces are not for sale…and they will never work at such a place" Kondou stated simply, "I am sorry but they are not like you"

"And you think I enjoy working at such a place? You think I enjoy men and their boorish behaviors? You think my friends who work at Shimabara enjoy that kind of life as well?" Miss Yakamura was now furious and possibly hurt

"That's not what I meant…"

"Its too late commander…you have a debt to pay…your nieces will work for me until the debt is cleared and once it's been paid you can have them back"

Miss Yakamura stood up from her seat, "I expect all of you girls to be at the red dragon inn by eight in the morning tomorrow" with that said the woman left.

The room was once again silent as they looked at each other with concern in their eyes

"There…There is no freaking way that I'm going to sleep with a man" Heisuke said with distaste, "Hello, I may be a woman with this body but I'm still a freaking man mentally!"

Everyone looked at Heisuke with angry eyes

"Well…looks like we have no choice…" Hijikata sighed, "We'll have to work our way out of this debt"

The crowd around him nodded solemnly

"Shimabara here we come" the men said but this time with less enthusiasm

**End of chapter**

**Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter and yes I just brain stormed some new ideas for this story and my other PMK stories to come, anyways you know the drill...read and review!!!**

** PREVIEW FOR CHAPTER XII**

_"Glad you girls came, it's time to put you to work!"_

_"Heisuke what the hell are you doing?"_

**Stay tuned for the next chapter...the boys...I mean girls work at Shimabara...**


	12. When a man becomes a geisha?

**Author's notes:**

Well sorry for the long update but I had term papers to write and trust me they weren't easy, anyways I apologize for making you wait and hopefully this chapter will make up for it. Anyways, I mentioned earlier on that I had plans on making another funny Peacemaker story and just recently I gathered up my ideas and came up with this plot:

Please don't take these ideas, I worked hard on conjuring up these ideas so please don't take them

**Picture Perfect!**

When Okita Soji gets a hold of his very own camera, things are far from perfect when mischievous Tetsunosuke convinces the men that the camera is a device that sucks souls. Hilarity and chaos ensues as the men find themselves hiding from a certain 1st unit captain and his camera.

**Once upon a time...**

Hijikata is far from happy when he is informed that he and his men are in charge of putting up a little play for the Mibu Orphanage. The worst part has yet to come when he soon finds out that he and his men have to act it out in front of the Kyoto citizens!

**So what did you guys think of it? I was just daydreaming one day and these thoughts occurred to me, well I won't start to write them until I finish my other Peacemaker story so please watch out for these stories ok? So I've chatted enough so here's my latest chapter!!!!**

**Chapter XII**

**When a man becomes a geisha?**

The Shimabara district; or also known as the pleasure quarters or the red light district of Kyoto are infamous for both its women and "entertainment". These are the places where one would most likely end up to relax and have fun or in this case to be forced to work.

"Now how the hell did I get myself into this again?" Shinpachi snarled through gritted teeth as a young woman began taking his measurements.

"Hey at least **were all in this together**" Heisuke said sheepishly as began putting on his silk kimono. (AN: "We're all in this together I started laughing coz of High School Musical)

"This is forced labor" Sano sighed as he found himself being beautified to perfection

"Stop moving Sanada-chan!" A young woman scolded as she untangled Sano's unruly locks

"Oh…um…sorry" Sano blushed

Shinpachi sighed, "Damn I hate my life..."

**Flashback**

Hijikata and his "men" slowly made their way inside the districts of Shimabara, upon entering the said red light district they soon found themselves being the main target of both sober and drunken men.

"_Hey beautiful, want to come and have some fun with me?"_

"_Looks like Kami-sama is being extra generous tonight! Look you guys it's a parade of beautiful women!"_

"Just the thought of this men staring at you is giving me the creeps" Tatsu said as he held Tetsu's hand tightly

"Tatsu you idiot…you're…you're…you're crushing my freaking hand!" Tetsu hissed irritably

"Shut up, as long as we're in this predicament I have to be more cautious"

Tetsu sweat dropped

"_Hey there beautiful…did you fall from the heavens because it seems like you're a goddess from up above"_

"That bastard better not be staring at me" Hijikata snarled as he clinched his fists,

"_You're one beautiful goddess my dear and my mortal self is falling into you"_

"Say that cheap line one more time and I'll bash his freaking head into that pole!" Hijikata screeched, "Say it again you poor excuse of a peasant!"

"Hiji…I mean Toshimi-chan be more lady like" Okita scolded, trying his best to calm down the fuming vice commander

"That bastard and his cheap lines…he should die... that bastard was pissing me off, you expect me to remain calm about that?" Hijikata replied coldly

"You'll get used to it Toshimi-chan…stay here for a week and you'll get used to men gawking at you and calling you unwanted names" Miss Yakamura said softly

Hijikata scoffed, "I happen to be a man…er…woman of high stature and I will never sink so low as to become a petty geisha from these slums" He declared proudly

Soji noticing the pride and arrogance in his friend's tone nudged him hardly; earning him a malicious look from the said vice captain.

"Be more considerate…" Soji whispered

"_What I am implying is the truth and each of us including you Soji are higher than this…do you understand my point now…er…um…what the hell was your name again?"_

Soji tried to hide his fits of laughter, "Sonomi-chan"

"Like it matters" Hijikata retorted, "So just what the hell do you want us to do Yakamura-san?"

"I'll put all of you girls to work; some may be tea servers while others can entertain the guests…"

"HOLD IT! By "entertain" you mean" Heisuke had a shocked look plastered on his face

"Well, entertain as in play musical instruments, talk to the men and of course…offer your service…"

The group gasped and nearly fainted at what they heard, "OFFER OUR SERVICE!!!!"

Tatsu had a nervous breakdown

"_I…I…I…I'm becoming...a... a...a man whore…"_

Soji gasped

"_Oh my…how…how…how indecent and vile"_

Shinpachi bashed his head into a pole but the impact did not kill him which he had hoped for

"_Wall…you're my only way out…kill me now…kill me now…"_

Sano paled from fright

"_Gross…gross…gross…I don't care if they could be cute as Soji…its still gross"_

Susumu and Tetsu froze and looked at each other with wide, panicked eyes

"_Ayu-nee…your little brother…your little brother will be joining you any moment now…as soon as I find my kunai I'll ask the puppy to stab me"_

"_This isn't right…this isn't right…I'm a boy…I'm a boy trapped in a girl's body…but I'm still a boy…oh crap…why do these things happen to me anyways?"_

Saitou prayed, prayed for the gods to kill him now or better yet pray for someone to assassinate him

"_If any Choshu soul can hear me clear call all your men and kill me now…"_

Hijikata twitched uncontrollably

"_My life has officially gone to hell"_

Heisuke screamed madly, like an idiot

"_I'm…I'm…I'm too gorgeous to be touched!"_

"You…you…you mean…you mean we have to…sleep with them?" Sano stuttered

"This is a red light district and of course the purposes of our inns are to provide services to customers…so yes, there is a possibility…"

"There is no way in hell that I'm sleeping with some perverted nut case!" Heisuke screeched

"Yeah, I second that emotion…besides…I…I…I'm engaged!" Everyone turned to Shinpachi with a dumbfounded look

"Um…well…me too! My fiancé isn't the one to be messed with…um…he's a Shinsengumi man as well" Sano added, "He's…He's…He's Harada Sanosuke"

"I'm sorry but...but the moment you step foot in my inn is the moment you've sold your soul to me…" Miss Yakamura said coldly as she continued to walk on

"BUT WE'RE NOT…WE'RE NOT **LIKE THAT**!" Heisuke said exasperatedly

"By **_that_** I presume you mean a whore?"

"No…I mean…yes…I mean…look, it's hard to explain our situation but we just can't **_do_** that!"

"You and your girls are lucky to only work here until you're uncle's debt is paid, many of my friends and including myself must work here for life" Miss Yakamura stated sadly.

"I know and I feel your pain but…but…but…but…to hell with keeping the secret…**BUT I'M A MAN**!"

Everyone gasped as they all looked at Heisuke

"_What the hell are you doing you big ass?" _Shinpachiasked through gritted teeth

"_Spread our secret around and I swear you'll be dead before sunrise"_ Hijikata added maliciously

Miss Yakamura looked at them suspiciously before bursting into fits of laughter, "Nice try Hisaki-chan but…but you're little antics won't convince me to change my mind…I understand that you girls have lived pampered lives but this is the real world now and in the real world us women are nothing but toys"

The group nodded in understanding

"Hopefully you girls will be lucky enough to not end up sleeping with a customer…but I cannot guarantee that…"

Hijikata noticing the hint of sadness in the young woman's voice softly asked, "So…um…how long have you been working in Shimabara?"

"Almost three or maybe four years" she replied simply

"Um…how…how did you end up working here?" Hijikata asked, his curiosity getting the best of him

Miss Yakamura scoffed, "Aren't you the curious one…at first you didn't want anything to do with me and now you're acting like a moth drawn to flame"

"I'm just being sincere here damn it" Hijikata snarled

"Well I'm being sincere as well…it's none of your business"

"Did you come here on your own?"

"Didn't I just say to butt out?"

"I intend to know everything about **_my superior_**…the one I **_work under_**" Hijikata felt like kicking himself, never did he ever imagine uttering such words

"Well since you're such a curious cookie I'll give you a history about myself; my father was a samurai from Edo…and a good for nothing big drunk…one day that bastard got into big trouble with some local yakuza, in the end when he was asked what he could give in exchange for his life so in the end he offered to sell me and my mother."

"I'm…I'm sorry I asked" Hijikata apologize as he mentally cursed the idea of even asking her about her

"That bastard even had the audacity to sell my mother first despite her being in ill health, then he sold me but I got away moments before the trade was to be made…but apparently some bastard told the yakuza I was escaping and they sold me to this inn…did you enjoy my history Toshimi-chan" Miss Yakamura asked coldly

"You've been through a lot…it must have been hell"

"Sure has, but the only thing that is keeping me from killing myself is the fact that I need to earn as much money as possible and buy my friends from these slums…we're here…time to work girls…"

The "girls" entered the inn reluctantly; a certain ominous aura of déjà vu filled their senses being that they did inhabit the inn a night ago.

"Yakamura-sempai! Yakamura-sempai! Welcome back…" A young girl with long raven hair greeted cheerfully

Heisuke slinked into the darkness noticing that the girl before him was the same girl he had conned to get a room for free

"Eh…who are they?" Another young girl with short brown hair asked curiously with a smile

"They are the nieces of that Miburo commander…they will be working here to pay off their uncle's debt" Miss Yakamura replied as she removed her sandals

"Oh…so you're the nieces of the bastards who left without paying" the brown haired girl said smugly, "So you're uncle couldn't come up with the money so he sold you instead?"

"I think its more of that captain's fault…um…the one who tried to bribe me…I can't get his name…"

"Like that low life matters"

"SHUT UP YOU UGLY TWERP!" Heisuke blurted out, "I mean…how…you dare insult my uncle?"

"Relax Hisaki-chan…she wasn't talking about your uncle…she was talking about one of the Shinsengumi captains…" Miss Yakamura said with a smile, "Okay now, customers will come soon so go get ready and I'll inform you girls your tasks"

**End of Flashback**

"I hate my life" Shinpachi uttered as he looked at himself from the mirror, his long locks were now tied up fancily in a bun arrayed with colorful pins and ribbons. His face covered with make-up and his lips red from the lip reddening, he had on a fancy green kimono with golden accents.

"You don't look that bad" Sano said as he tried to stifle his laughs, "I…I like your attire"

Shinpachi sighed, "Go ahead and laugh, I know I look horrible so there's no point of trying to force yourself to laugh"

"Well in that case, you look creepy"

"Glad you're being honest" Shinpachi smiled forcefully, "You look ugly too"

Sano gasped, "Um…Shinpachi…um…look…look…look over there"

Shinpachi turned around and nearly fainted at the monstrosity he saw, Heisuke had on a pink kimono with floral accents its sleeves sliding off his shoulders exposing his torso. His hair was in a messy bun with an array of red pins, his make up barely noticeable but the lip reddening dark and sultry.

"Well what do you guys think?" Heisuke asked seductively

"HEISUKE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Shinpachi screamed

"I'm looking gorgeous for the customers…what about you, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm looking like a decent tea server not a prostitute…you man whore"

"Don't be jealous because they beautified me best" Heisuke retorted smugly

"Well at least we have some decent respect for women! What the hell are you wearing?"

"The girls told me that many customers here pay big to be with a beautiful woman…so this is the only way to attract customers" Heisuke smiled

"I think I've gone blind on one eye" Sano said as he twitched madly, "Oh shit there goes the other one"

"You're not wearing that!"

"And who made you boss?"

"Its inappropriate and it suggests it all!"

"Its cute and sexy and you know I have a fetish for cute things and yes maybe even the sexy"

"Yeah and grubby drunk men also have fetishes for cute and sexy things and you in that outfit just spells out **"easy target"** so take it off now!"

"No way! I like what I'm wearing and there's no way I'm changing"

"Sano give me that tea pot…I'll knock some sense back into this idiot"

"PUT THAT TEA POT DOWN SHINPACHI! AHHH WHAT THE HELL…STOP!"

Two rooms down, a certain shinobi and two bickering brothers were getting ready for their first day of work.

"I'm not wearing that!"

"Tetsu…as your brother I will not allow you to wear such suggestive clothing!"

"It's a freaking kimono you weirdo…what the hell is so suggestive about it?"

"Men like to prey on younger girls…if you wear this grandmother disguise they won't even dare look your way"

"Be reasonable Tatsu…what the hell would an old lady be doing here?"

"JUST PUT IT ON!"

Susumu twitched, "Those three idiots are noisy and now these two...god save me..."

"NO!"

And twitched

"PUT IT ON NOW!"

And twitched

"MAKE ME"

And clutched his fists

"STOP BEING STUBBORN!"

And gritted his teeth

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ACTING ALL WEIRD OVER A KIMONO!"

And muttered profanities softly

WE'RE IN SHIMABARA NOW SO PRECAUTIONS MUST BE TAKEN…PUT ON THE GRANDMA DISGUISE"

"MAKE ME!"

Finally the shinobi cracked, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Tetsu and Tatsu turned to look at the fuming shinobi.

"Tatsu stop being so worrisome and quit making the idiot wear that freaky outfit that resembles beggars attire"

"YOU WANTED ME TO LOOK LIKE A HOBO?"

"IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! NO ONE WOULD WANT TO PERUSE A HOBO"

"Unless it was a cute hobo" Tetsu joked

"I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT…QUICK! EAT THIS GREEN STUFF TO MAKE YOUR TEETH HIDEOUS!"

"ONCE AGAIN STOP!" Susumu screeched, he was now close to taking out his kunai set and stabbing both of them. "Let's just get ready in peace and get this over with"

Tatsu and Tetsu nodded, "Yes boss!"

In another room across from the three comedians, the reluctant vice commander, the effeminate 1st division captain and the eerie 3rd division captain sat quietly in silence.

"Those idiots are so loud…I can hear them from here" Hijikata stated

"They seem to be in the geisha spirit…and how about you?" Soji smiled

"Shut up"

"Well to me you look very nice Hijikata-san…I mean Toshimi-chan" Soji joked innocently

"Shut up you moron" Hijikata stated coldly, "I can't believe this is happening to me"

"Think of it as an adventure" Soji replied cheerfully, "Like a mini vacation from work"

"Just how the hell can this be a mini vacation…I'm a whore in shimabara, dressed in a very hideous kimono working with a bunch of idiots…my life is in hell"

"Saitou-san seems to be enjoying this, he's even smiling"

"Are you kidding me? He's smiling because he's imagining a Choshu spirit has just attacked him!"

"Actually I'm imagining this entire inn being set ablaze and there are no survivors"

Hijikata and Soji sweat dropped and backed away

After finishing up their make-up, the "girls" gathered around a smaller room and awaited for Miss Yakamura's instructions.

**End of Chapter**

**Hmmm...I wasn't fond of this one...its been a while since I've written on this story so my inspirations are lacking but I need to write a new chapter since there are kind readers waiting...yey to you...my story has been dragging but I promise not to let that continue...anyways hope you liked this one and i will update as soon as possible its just that i couldnt squeeze in the time to but now I shall write more...read and review okk???**

**what did u guys think of my upcoming stories? would you want to read them???? tell me ok???**

** PREVIEW FOR CHAPTER XIII**

_"Its time to assign you tasks!"_

_"I have to play the koto"_

_"I'm a freakin fan dancer? what the heck is that?"_

The boys...er...I mean...the girls get new jobs at shimabara


	13. The Fan dance

**Author's notes:**

For this chapter I had to watch memoirs of a geisha but I couldn't stop laughing because as I was watching it I remembered the characters of my story being geishas and yes it made me laugh like a weirdo. Basically I was trying to do the teahouse sea in memoirs of a geisha and yeah do you remember where Sayuri is twirling the fans well yeah this is my rendition, so here's my latest chapter of my weird story! Read and Review because it makes me happy and inspired!

**Chapter XIII**

**First Job**

Miss Yakamura smiled pleasingly as the girl's entered her quarters, looking more feminine and radiant than before. The "girls" were surprised as well to see a very dashing looking hostess in front of them, Miss Yakamura whose hair had been styled in a low ponytail now had her hair in an elegant bun adorn with shimmering trinkets and such. She wore a golden kimono with red accents and dragon prints.

"My, my aren't we looking lovely" Heisuke said with a wink as he sat himself in front of the beautiful hostess

"You girls look breath taking as well, had I known you had that beauty in you I would have put you to work right away" Miss Yakamura said

"But you look lovelier" Heisuke said now suggestively earning him a whack from Shinpachi

_"Hope you didn't forget that you're still a g-i-r-l"_

Heisuke paused and hung his head

"Yakamura-san, we came for our job assignments" Hijikata said through gritted teeth, apparently his obi had been tied on too tightly giving him a limited supply of breathing space.

"Tonight very prominent guests will be gracing our inn, they are very **influential men** who expect only the very best and being that you girls have no experience you'll be in charge with the less prominent. Sanada-chan, Hisaki-chan and Shina-chan you three will be in charge of entertainment…"

"Um…can you be more specific?" Shinpachi asked uncomfortably

"Foolish Shina-chan, she doesn't even know the basics of being an admirable geisha" Heisuke said jokingly

"Well you three could be the performers, you could either do the traditional fan dance or sing or play to koto or shamisen"

Sano and Shinpachi sighed in relief, "I thought we had to..."

"Sleep with them?" Miss Yakamura interrupted with a grin

Sano and Shinpachi gasped, "You mean..."

Miss Yakamura gave a light hearted laugh, "Don't worry I have you idiots for your first job, they'll be intoxicated before you know it and you girls will get out easy"

"That's good to know"

"Anyways Tatsuki-chan and Tetsuna-chan you two could be in charge of going back and forth and getting more drinks"

"Yeah make sure to get so much drinks!" Sano said excitedly

"And try to accidentally spill some poison into it" Shinpachi added earning him a cold icy glare from the hostess

"Well at least doing errands... it's a decent job" Tatsu said in relief

"Hey what the big idea? You want me to serve drinks now...I'll have you know that I was a freaking page when I was a bo…"

Before the young redhead could finish Tatsu had been quick as a fox and silenced the boisterous page.

"We gladly accept your assignment" Tatsu said with a smile as he bowed

"Tatsu...let go...don't make me bite your hand!"

"Very well…Sonomi-chan, Hanajima-chan and Toshimi-chan you three will be in charge of the conversations and pouring the sake"

"Conversations? That sounds easy ne Toshimi-chan?"

Hijikata nodded

"Can I talk about the dark auras they posses?" Saitou asked boredly

"Wouldn't that be scaring off the customers?" Shinpachi asked

"Then there's nothing to talk about" Saitou stated simply

Everyone sweat dropped

"Is she...is she...is she always like that?" Miss Yakamura asked

"You mean weird like and thinks she can see dead people...yes she is" Heisuke said

"Hisaki-chan...you have an unusual aura in you..."

"Oh yeah and what would that be?" Heisuke asked smugly

"An aura of that of a moron"

Heisuke glared at the mysterious captain, "Like hell that's true"

"Do you really want to know?" Sano asked scratching his head

"Anyways last but not the least, Sumi-chan you shall be in charge of…hmmm…well I've given all the jobs so I guess you can assist with the entertainment, by any chance do you know how to play to shamisen or koto?"

Susumu who was born and raised to kill shook his head, "Would it be alright if I assist with the errands? I'm not very skilled in instruments"

"It's not only instruments you aren't skilled at" Tetsu joked earning him a punch from the said ninja

"Well I suppose you can be of their assistance but you see I will be in the other quarters assisting the** important** guests; so while I am away you can serve in my stead…is that good enough?"

"Absolutely fine with me Yakamura-sempai" Susumu said as he gave a courteous bow

"Well now that this is settled go to the last room of this hallway and prepare yourselves, the guests will be coming soon." With that said the young hostess gave everyone a pleasant smile and headed her way out.

"Miss Yakamura is lucky to serve such influential men, I wonder who they are" Soji stated simply

"I bet they're men from Choshu" Hijikata spoke out sternly, "The last thing I need is to be in the same roof with some Choshu scum bag!"

"There you go again Hijikata-san, for once could you just stay calm?" Soji asked exasperatedly, "You always think everyone's out to get you"

"Because they are!" Hijikata said defensively, "And I mean it!"

"Soji is right, maybe it could be just one of our guys; I mean it could be Aizu or others not necessarily Choshu men" Shinpachi retorted

"Well whoever they are all of you better keep your ears and eyes wide open; I want you to gather every bit of information is that understood?"

"Yes sir!"

"Even if we won't be in the same room as them we'll just have to find a way to get in on the action!"

"Um Hijikata-san" Sano muttered

"What now?" Hijikata asked angrily

"That...that just sounded kind of weird"

"Go to hell"

"Um...never mind"

**Later that night…inside their designated quarters...**

Moments later their guests arrived and thus began their first assignment as Shimabara geishas.

Tetsu and Tatsu found themselves working double time for not only were the men heavy drinkers they were heavy eaters as well

"I need three more plates of dango!" Tetsu screeched at his brother

"_We need ten more bottles of sake!_" A random guest called out

"Dango and Sake over here Tatsu…Hurry up damn it!" Tetsu screeched

"Stop yelling at me!" Tatsu screamed back, "I'm working as fast as I can!"

"Work faster damn it!"

"Since when was the little brother allowed to yell at the older brother huh?"

"MOVE YOUR ASS NOW!"

Tatsu gasped, "I thought I raised you well...oh why? oh why? oh why kami-sama did I end up raising a hooligan?"

"Here he goes again..."

Tatsu and Tetsu weren't the only ones having a rough first day; Hijikata, Saitou and Soji who were in charge of the conversations soon found themselves surrounded by a mob of drunken men with reeking breaths.

"And behind you I can see the spirit of your deceased aunt who you still owe money from, and you I see the spirit of your girlfriend and she doesn't look too happy and you I see some dark shadow lurking behind you perhaps that of your wife and trust me she isn't dead yet..."

The men backed away as the strange captain continued his rantings

"_So tell me what your name was again?"_ A drunken man slurred as he approached Soji, his face inches away

"Um…um…it's Sonomi-chan and I think you've had one drink too many…" Soji said as he backed away from the man and his reeking breath

"_Don't go yet pretty lady, the night's still young!"_ The man added as he put his arm around Soji

"I really think we should stick to talking about um...um...pigs?"

"Pigs? Now why the hell would I want to talk about pigs?"

_"Because you guys are acting like it now" _Hijikata thought coldly

"I own a pig...very adorable critter...so cute and..."

"Tasty..." The man added as he ate some tempura

"Excuse me?"

"I said pigs are tasty, boil them in oil, make them sizzle to perfection and then you have the most perfect barbeque"

Soji looked at the mean with a deathly gaze, "I sir do not tolerate mistreatment of pigs"

"So are you gonna introduce you to this piggy of yours...add some rice to that and mmmm...dinner is served"

Soji having had enough of hearing pig slaughter smacked the man upside the head, apparently he had been too drunk that he simply fell unconscious

"The night's not over yet and these bastards are getting drunk already" Hijikata snarled, suddenly he soon found himself being hugged tightly.

"_Looks like I'm taking this pretty lady for the night!"_ the man said drunkenly

"You're not taking me anywhere you pathetic ahou" Hijikata retorted as he grabbed a cup and smashed it into the man's head causing him to fall unconscious.

"_I love a feisty woman!"_ Another man said seductively before being clobbered by another sake cup

"Toshimi-chan don't use the nice cups" Soji scolded, "Here use the ugly ones!" He added with a smile as he handed the demon vice chief a cup

"Give him his funeral rights" Hijikata said coldly to Saitou as he raised the cup

"He won't die from that I'll have you know"

"This is just stage one, pass me that shamisen and I'll kill him"

Saitou grabbed hold of the shamisen but was soon stopped by Heisuke, "Don't you dare touch our props! We need it for our dance" Heisuke said

"_Did someone say dance!"_ Another drunken man said with glee

"_You girls gonna dance for us?" _

"_Yeah! We need to liven up this gathering! Dance for us! Dance!"_

"Heisuke, why the hell did you have to go blabbing out that we were going to dance? Unless you've forgotten we don't know the first step of dancing!" Shinpachi screeched

"Relax my beautiful dandelion…"

"Did you just compare me with a freaking weed?" Shinpachi twitched

"Indeed I did…just be calm my bean sprout, I being a man whose seen his fair share of entertainment shall teach you the basics of dancing."

"Did you have any sake today?" Shinpachi asked smugly

"No why?"

"Because you're acting like a drunken baboon"

"I'll take that as a compliment, anyways I've seen geishas dance every time and its all basically about grace and posture so all we have to do is use these fans Yakamura-san gave us and do some graceful dance" Heisuke said as if it were really that simple

"I hope this works…" Sano said reluctantly as he grabbed two fans and began twirling it

"Trust me buddy, as long as I'm around this will turn out fine"

"As long as he's around we're screwed" Shinpachi whispered slyly

Yamazaki Susumu who had been minding his own business soon found himself with a shamisen in his hand and being ordered by a certain captain to play

"Play something while we dance"

"Didn't I just announce that I don't know how to play this crap?"

"Just play something and I don't care how"

Susumu shrugged, if Heisuke said that he could play it no matter how he did it then let the music and entertainment begin. Susumu strummed the strings slowly and soon the men's attention was caught by the radiant three girls in the spotlight, golden fans covering parts of their faces.

"Aren't they just beautiful?" Hijikata asked through gritted teeth trying his best to act friendly but in his mind he was mentally committing seppuku

"It'd be more beautiful if you joined in on the dance" The man replied with a wink

Hijikata grabbed hold of a sake bottle and was about to smash it on the man's head when Susumu suddenly strummed the strings louder thus increasing the tempo.

Heisuke being a "pro" began to dance gracefully

Shinpachi on the other hand who had no clue of what to do began twirling the fan in his fingers, "I'm getting the hang of this" he said proudly as he began twirling it quickly but soon the fan escaped his grasp and hit Hijikata's customer.

"MY EYE!" He screeched as he began twitching, "MY BEAUTIFUL EYE!"

"Keep dancing Shina! Hit his other eye!" Hijikata cheered, "While your at it hit his friends too!"

Shinpachi shrugged and began twirling the other fan, tossing it up and down while doing a random dance

"What the hell are you doing?" Heisuke demanded angrily

"What does it look like I'm doing, I'm dancing you idiot"

"Stop that! You look weird and you're ruining the dance"

Shinpachi grinned maliciously and flicked his fan at Heisuke, hitting him in the head "Make me" he said slyly

Heisuke eyed him dangerously, "I'll make you quit alright…take this you hack!" Heisuke screeched as he threw his fan at Shinpachi

"Two can play that game" Shinpachi began taking out his hair ornaments and used it as darts aiming at Heisuke

"Cut it out!" Heisuke demanded shielding himself with his other fan from the in coming "darts"

"This is actually way better than your little girly fan dance" Shinpachi said as he grabbed Sano by the collar and began yanking off the hair ornaments in his head

"WHAT THE HELL…CUT IT OUT…" Sano protested but it was too late Shinpachi had yanked off his hair ornaments, "IT TOOK THEM 3 FREAKIN HOURS TO GET MY HAIR DONE YOU KNOW!"

"Trust me buddy these hair ornaments are being put to good use" Shinpachi said with an evil grin as he threw them at Heisuke who had now took cover behind an unconscious customer

"Cut it out Shina...don't make me resort to violence"

"Be my guest...Hisaki"

"Well you asked for it..."

Hijikata who had been watching the pathetic scene before him groaned and gulped down two bottles of sake, "Tell me when this crap is over" he muttered to Saitou who nodded emotionlessly.

The men watched with awe and fright as random things began flying back and forth

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING? WE WANTED A DANCE NOT A BATTLE!"

Shinpachi turned to the man angrily, "THIS IS A DANCE DEAR SIR…THE DANCE OF DEATH!!!" With that said the short captain threw yet again another dart like object

"You boys entertained? You boys having fun?" Heisuke asked with demonic eyes

Everyone nodded their heads, "Sure we are…we've always wanted to see two geishas kill each other"

"Well tonight's your night boys…SHINA! ITS GO TIME!"

Two rooms down Miss Yakamura tried her best to contain her anger; clearly her new geishas were creating a mess but unfortunately being that she was serving a group of Japan's most influential men she could not leave.

"What was that racket?" One of her guests asked

"Oh ignore that, it is just a bunch of ruffians stirring up trouble once again"

"**IM GONNA KILL YOU SHINA!!!!"**

"**NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!!!!"**

"They sound like women to me"

Miss Yakamura twitched angrily, "Just a petty argument, no need to be alarmed"

**"HAND ME A SAKE BOTTLE THIS GIRL'S GONNA DIE"**

**"EAT MY FOOT YOU HAG!"**

"I'm sorry but after this certain incident I no longer feel comfortable with such boisterous noises just hearing the sound of smashing furniture sends chills down my spine…"

**CRASH**

**BAM**

**SLAM**

"Please try and relax as possible…and I truly apologize for this noise"

**"HOW DOES THE FLOOR FEEL SHINA?"**

**"HOW DOES MY FOOT IN YOUR FACE FEEL HISAKI?"**

"It is alright...hopefully those girls aren't on some killing rampage"

"Hopefully not...he he he..."

**"DIE!!!!!"**

"So relax and have some sake...you and your men are our valued guests"

"Are we now?"

"Indeed you are so please try and relax…**Katsura-san**"

**End of Chapter**

**I wanted to end you with a cliffhanger but once again if you're familiar with the peacemaker anime and history of the shinsengumi Katsura is the leader of Choshu and thus making him the enemy of the Shinsengumi and in my story he doesn't like loud noises because it reminds him of the Ikeda-ya and you know the raid. Anyways hope you enjoyed my latest chapter because I had some fun writing it...I was watching memoirs of a geisha and I just couldn't stop laughing at the fan dance scene because my ideas started coming to me...anyways stay tuned for my next chapter...**

** PREVIEW FOR NEXT CHAPTER**

_Katsura Kogoro? Where?_

_What the hell were you two doing?_

_Killing each other?_

_Oh my god its wrinkles!!!_


	14. FACE OFF!

**Author's notes:**

scratches back of head Um…Hey guys, chuckles nervously I thought that I had lost all interest in this story but to tell you guys the truth one day as I was sitting like a lump in my school's library a funny idea for this story just came to me. Its hard to abandon this story especially when I know there are readers who enjoy reading my…well…weird and insanely freaky story…but nevertheless I have finally updated because, well because is 11pm and everyone is asleep and yes more computer time for me! So here it is, new chapter of Switched! I hope to god that my readers didn't abandon this story because you guys thought I discontinued the idea…nope…its alive and kicking!

**NOTICES:**

Well I supposed since its kind of late but yeah I'll just get this out...Ok my story is rated T and its rated T for a reason because of language, Heisuke's idiotic-ness, Characters plotting to kill one another and all other mishaps and mayhem that will eventually turn to a bloody and deadly battle...

**Disclaimer:**

For the millionth time...I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane...I did buy the DVD...hahahahahah...

**Chapter XIV**

**Face off: The demon commander meets his match!**

_**CRASH!**_

"You know Miss Yakamura, we really don't need to trouble you any longer by staying…besides it seems as if you're help is needed in the…"

"_**Hey, hey, hey…what the hell are you doing with that…ahck!"**_

"Well…in the other room"

"_**Playing dirty eh? Well two can play that game…hand me that bottle!"**_

"Please…please….you and your men are our most valued customers…"

"_**No fair! You cheated!"**_

"So please stay and well…um…have some more sake!" Miss Yakamura smiled sheepishly

_**CRASH!**_

With a strained smile plastered on her clearly fuming face, Miss Yakamura hurriedly excused herself as she quickly headed towards the root of her problems.

"_**Shina you freakin' shamisen whore!"**_

"_**What did you just call me?"**_

"_**SHA-MI-SEN WH-ORE…want me to spell that as well?"**_

"_**You're dead to me Hisaki!"**_

Trying her best not to wring both their necks Miss Yakamura grabbed the two feuding "girls" by the collar and eyed them angrily, her eyes clearly glinting of malice and disappointment.

"What…the…hell….**HAPPENED**!!!!!" Miss Yakamura asked, stressing on the word "happened"

Everyone cringed as they noticed the young hostess go from calm come to demonic in seconds

"EVERYONE GET THE HELL OUT!" The young hostess commanded as each and every one of the customers left in a hurry

"Jeez lady, all I wanted was a night to relax not a brawl" one of the customers added before grabbing his katana and making his way out of the inn.

Taking their cue to leave, Heisuke and Shinpachi slowly tiptoed their way out only to be blocked by the demon turned hostess, her eyes raging with fire.

"You two…I have a bone to pick with you two" the hostess said gruffly

"_She's worst then Hijikata-san ne?" _Okita whispered

"_What's the supposed to mean?" _Hijikata asked defensively

"_Maybe she's just PMS-ing" _Shinpachi retorted

"I HEARD THAT!" Miss Yakamura screeched as she cracked her knuckles

"_Gulp…way to go you idiot…now she's going to take out her mood swings on us!" _Heisuke hissed

Everyone cringed as the demon-lady approached them, causing the men…well women to back up in fear.

"_But…but Hijikata-san is always in that kind of mood…does it mean he's always PMS-ing too?" _Tetsu asked ignorantly causing the older Ichimura to whack him upside the head

Hijikata twitched angrily, _"Ichimura…I'll pretend I didn't hear that comment of yours"_

"_Tetsu you big baka! Don't even suggest such things!" _Tatsu hissed vehemently

Finally noticing that there was no where else to back up onto, the men shivered with fear as the hostess approached them with malice and a sake bottle.

"_I...I…I think I know what's going to happen next" _Heisuke stuttered uncontrollably

"_Y-you…d-do…" _Shinpachi asked as he clung on to his giant of a pal Sano

"_Ahck…Shinpachi…ahck…you're…you're…you're crushing my ribs…ahck"_

"_Y-yeah…the angry girl traps us onto the wall, and then uncontrollably beats us with whatever is in her hands…in this case…gulp…it's a freaking sake bottle"_

The men gasped as they eyed Miss Yakamura curiously, apparently neither of them wanted to know what the young hostess had in plan.

The young hostess smirked sinisterly, "Why the pale faces ladies?" she asked teasingly, "Oh, ignore the sake bottle…its just for show"

"Um…um…wow…for a second there we thought…we thought…we thought you were going to…ahhh…never mind…" Shinpachi stuttered sheepishly

"Thought what Shina-chan? Did you guys think I was going to…_**whack you with a sake bottle?**_" This time the young hostess had once again changed from eerily cheery to creepily demonic

The "women" cringed as they found the sake bottle being crushed into tiny pieces as it crashed on the wall.

"WHO…"

Everyone cringed back with fear

"THE HELL…"

Shinpachi and Heisuke held onto one another for dear life, Tatsu and Tetsu shivered

"GAVE YOU THE DAMN RIGHT…"

Okita looked solemn, Hijikata didn't give a damn, Saitou dozed off, and Susumu looked away

"…TO START A FREAKING BRAWL!"

Shinpachi and Heisuke looked at one another and instead of playing the blame game both "girls" went on their knees and started begging for forgiveness from the demon-lady

"We're sorry!" Shinpachi sobbed as he grabbed on to one of Miss Yakamura's legs

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

Heisuke taking cue grabbed on to the other leg and pleaded sincerely, "We didn't mean to start a war…we we're…we we're being stupid…" he sobbed

"YOU IDIOTS STOP THAT!"

"Don't kill us…we're…we're truly sorry" Shinpachi pleaded with puppy dog eyes

"YOU'RE CRYING ON MY LEG! GET OFF!"

"Shina…don't let go until she forgives us!"

"WHAT THE HELL!?!"

"You too Hisaki-chan…hold on…"

"got it boss!"

"BOTH OF YOU STOP!" Miss Yakamura screeched as she finally managed to detangle the blubbering "girls" from her now…well now soaked leg"

With a sigh the hostess began to speak, "I clearly will have to deal with all of you later, but as of now I have important guests to…"

"Pardon my intrusion Yakamura-sama"

The "girls" turned around to face the now parted shoji doors that revealed the figure of a man standing by the doorway, a tired smile on his face.

The "girls" gasped as they stared at the man who stood right before their very eyes

"H-holy…"

"B-b-Buddha…"

"It's him…"

Hijikata's eyes turned to slits as he stared into the eyes of his number one enemy, the man who made his blood boil, the man who he blamed for everything bad that happened and yes that included being dumped, the man who made his life and the Bakufu's life hell….the man that was Katsura Kogoro…

"_Its him…its that Choshu bastard Katsura…that same bastard who plunged Bakufu and dragged along the Shinsengumi into this damned war" _Hijikata thought angrily

Miss Yakamura adjusted her kimono and smiled kindly towards her patron, "Is something the matter Katsura-sama?" Miss Yakamura asked politely, causing the "girls" to gape at her.

"_That piece of scum, how can he act so cautiously…hmmm…he doesn't know that the Shinsengumi's top fighters…(well except for the Ichimura's)… have turned to women…hmmm…this should be an advantage for us…"_

The demon-lady had now been replaced by a façade of a sweet and polite hostess whose smile shined brighter than neither the sun nor any other star.

"_Even that Yakamura chick is acting differently…hmmm…if she knows who he is then could that mean…that she's a Choshu supporter?!?"_

"_If she is a Choshu scumbag too…then oh well…looks like I'll have to kill her"_

"Well…um…how should I explain this…well, some things have come up and it seems as if my men and I won't be staying here for the night after all" Katsura sighed sadly

"_Stuttering like a damned fool…things have come up eh? Things like a meeting with other Choshu scum perhaps?"_

"Oh…well…is that so? Then let me see you men to the door then" Miss Yakamura smiled sweetly as she began to stand up

"_Now's my chance!"_

"Oh, please don't…I mean…that won't be necessary. It seems as if you are having some…well some sort of discussion…so I don't want to be a bother…"

"_Cut the crap Kogoro you idiot…"_

Without hesitation Hijikata stood up from his seat, "STOP THE POLITENESS AND LET'S GO YOU OAF" Hijikata snarled angrily as he brushed past the gaping Choshu leader.

"_Toshimi-chan…you…are…so…DEAD!" _Miss Yakamura screamed in her mind

"_What the hell is vice-chief doing?" _Shinpachi thought

"_I love this…I really love this a lot…oh vice-commander you and your sneakiness always sends shivers down my sexy spine…a sneak attack…aha! That will end Katsura" _Heisuke thought proudly

"_There he goes again…always acting before thinking" _Okita thought sadly

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT KATSURA?" Hijikata called out

"_Told you he was PMS-ing" _Tetsu grinned

"_Just drop it you fool" _Tatsu said shaking his head

Miss Yakamura cracked her knuckles as she began to pale, "Um…um…please forgive Toshimi-chan's rudeness…she's a newbie and clearly she doesn't know much yet…"

Katsura nodded as he followed the mumbling Hijikata

"_He's following me…hmmm…that's a plus…" _Hijikata thought as he eyed the Choshu leader from the corner of his eyes

"Thank…thank you for the offer to walk me and my men out…but as I said it won't be necessary"

"_Think again Kogoro…you and your men…won't be walking out…alive"_

"You must be tired, so please return to your chambers and rest…I know its not in my business to pry but women with professions such as yours are terribly busy and you'd…"

Hijikata stopped in his tracks, his back facing the Choshu leader

"Draw your sword Katsura" Hijikata muttered

Katsura halted and looked up only to see her back

"Huh?" The Choshu leader blinked in confusion, "I…I…beg your pardon but what did you say?" he asked dumbfounded

Hijikata now facing the said leader repeated once again, the venom in his tone not departing "I said…draw your sword"

**End of Chapter**

**Well. wow that was a crummy come back for me...but yes I have decided to update my story and don't dare think I've abandoned this because I haven't! Anyways this chapter is well...somewhat not as good as I had wanted it to be...but I did manage to add the random humor...anyways hopefully my readers will come back and read this latest chapter and yes I shall try and update as soon as possible...so as you guys did before and will do again, read my story and review okay? **

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW

**"What the hell is Toshimi-chan planning?"**

**"I think she's lost it!"**

**After Finally facing off with public enemy number 1 Hijikata Toshizou despite being under these circumstances will stand at nothing to try and defeat the Choshu leader Katsura!**

EXTRA! EXTRA!

**Authoress: **So kiddies what have we learned in today's chapter?

**Shinpachi: **Heisuke is a gay ass...and a shamisen whore!

**Heisuke: **Look whose talking...if I clearly remember you were so jealous of my natural talents!

**Shinpachi: **You call that natural? I call it a natural disaster!

crickets chirping

**Authoress: **Ok...before these two start fighting again I guess its time to say peace out for now...

**Heisuke: **HEY! I'm not done venting out my anger

**Authoress: **Go vent somewhere else you ahou!


End file.
